Our 'student of history'

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

Two Palestinians meet at a Gaza coffee house and discuss President Barack Obama's speech to "the Muslim world":

Muhammad 1 – Hey, Muhammad, did you catch that Obama speech from Cairo?

Muhammad 2 – Yeah, Muhammad. What a hoot. Laughed myself silly.

M1 – For sure. The guy's got the best stand-up lines since Henny Youngman.

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M2 – Youngman. He was a Jew, wasn't he?

M1 – Yeah, but funny. I was knocked over by Obama's line about being a "student of history."

M2 – Oh! I was rolling after that one: "Throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality." I got your possibility – right here! (He gestures suggestively.)

M1 – Can you say dhimmitude – the dependent status of non-Muslims in our lands?
(The two laugh uproariously.)

M1 – (wiping tears or laughter from his cheeks) Love the way our culture has protected its non-Muslims. You know, Obama even said America and Islam share "principles of justice and progress; tolerance and the dignity of all human beings." He should have said, all human beings – except women!" (More laughter)

M2 – How about this one: "When the first Muslim-American was recently elected to Congress, he took the oath to defend our Constitution using the same Holy Quran that one of our Founding Fathers – Thomas Jefferson – kept in his personal library." He made it sound as if Jefferson and Muslims "shared principles."

M1 – Hey! That one wasn't so funny to me. I still haven't forgotten Jefferson saying "millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute," and going after our brothers on the Barbary Coast. Pirates indeed!

M2 – Lighten up, will you? The guy's a comic. Didn't you catch the satire when he said "we are partnering with 46 countries" in Afghanistan and Pakistan? How many from those 46 countries actually are carrying guns? Maybe – 46?

M1 (chuckling) – Maybe 46. Say, didn't you love the way he used that line: "The Holy Quran teaches that whoever kills an innocent, it is as if he has killed all mankind; and whoever saves a person, it is as if he has saved all mankind."

M2 – Yep. That should help our cause in America, where the politicians never quote the Quran lines about never taking infidels as friends, especially, "If they turn back, then seize them, and slay them wherever ye find them. …"

M1 – I did get a kick out the "stain on our collective conscience" of the slaughter of innocents in Bosnia and Darfur. Like there are innocents in Darfur. Really! The guy has a comedic gift.

M2 – I was a bit confused, though, when he said that "the sooner the extremists are isolated and unwelcome in Muslim communities, the sooner we will all be safer." What extremists? I don't know any extremists.

M1 – Well, he was a bit off the beam there, but he was right on when he got serious and compared the suffering of Palestinians with the Jewish Holocaust.

M2 – Right you are. Why, we Palestinians have been suffering for over 60 years – ever since my great-grandfather uprooted the whole family and left Palestine way back in '48. The Arab nations promised that he and his family could return and get rich once the Jews were thrown into the sea. But those Jews just wouldn't – and still won't – cooperate.

M1 – Uh huh. He was back to comedy, though, when he said Hamas must recognize Israel's right to exist.

M2 – I was in stitches over that one.

M1 – And how about his jest about Saudi Arabian King Abdullah's "interfaith dialog." I thought I'd die. Praise Allah for the Saudis' religious "tolerance" – for Islam alone.

M2 – How'd you like it when he compared women's "struggle for equality" in the USA to the lot of women in Muslim nations?

M1 – Great stuff! But I'd have liked it better if he had reminded everybody that the Quran says: "Men are superior to women on account of the qualities with which God hath gifted the one above the other. …" He should have made it clear he was joking.

M2 – Aw, anybody could tell that.

Other matters: We're glad to see that Rush Limbaugh is using the term we have employed since at least last October to describe the federal government's takeover of banks and auto manufacturers. The term is "fascism."

While the American Left, having taken over our universities, has succeeded in large measure in applying the word to conservatives and constitutionalists, those with a knowledge of history recognize that fascism arises from socialist movements, like those of pre-World War II Italy and Germany.
When Obama gets his AmeriCorps up to full strength, don't be surprised to see legions of American youths marching in close order drill with shovels on their shoulders, or standing at attention in rallies to "remake" America.