It is my opinion that a man who honors the vows he made to his wife and who stands by his children and grandchildren is the unsung hero of America today.
You can take most of the social ills in our culture and find a link directly back to the absence of a father in the home. In the past 30 years, there has been a 550-percent increase in violent crime, a 400-percent increase in illegitimate births, a 200-percent increase in teenage pregnancy and a 300-percent increase in teenage suicide. And experts have traced all these things to the breakdown of the family and, specifically, the absence of a father.
Now, I am not a perfect father, but I want to be the husband, father and grandfather God wants me to be. In the New Testament story of the prodigal son, we find an example of a great father, of what a dad ought to be. This father had two sons whom he loved and provided for. But one day, the younger son demanded his share of the estate. The custom was that the inheritance would be divided among the heirs when the father died, but this son was basically saying, “Dad, I am tired of waiting for you to die. I want my money now.” What a brash young man. How disrespectful that was. How it must have broken his father’s heart. All this son cared about was himself. So the father divided the inheritance between both boys. And upon receiving his, the younger son left home and ultimately squandered it all.
Basically, this dad allowed his son to make his decisions and, yes, even face the repercussions of them. You see, we can only take our children so far – and not any further than we ourselves have come. Our children are watching us. They will walk in our footsteps. They will emulate our behavior. And hopefully as fathers, we are walking the right way. The Bible says, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” (Proverbs 22:6 NLT). So start now. That is our responsibility as parents.
Children are not ours to be molded, but rather to be unfolded. In other words, we need to discover who God wants them to be and then help them become that. We want to point our children to Christ, but we don’t want to mold them into our image; we want to do everything we can to point them toward God so their lives will be a reflection of him.
One of the greatest heartaches we have as parents is when our kids go astray. Some time ago, I spoke with a father who was estranged from his daughter. She was in the process of destroying her life through bad decisions. He had not talked with her for some time, and as this father told me her story, I said, “You know what? Your daughter needs to know that you love her. And you need to keep the door open.” Then I told him the story of the father and the prodigal son and pointed out that the son always knew, despite his actions, that his father loved him and would welcome him home. I said, “Your child needs to know the same from you.” That father reconnected with his daughter and perhaps even saved her life.
Your children need to know that you love them, even if they have messed up, even if they are not living the way you want them to live. Let your children know that you love them.
The prodigal son knew he was loved by his father. How? Because he knew he could always go home. And eventually he missed home. The Bible tells us:
When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, “At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.'” (Luke 15:17–19 NLT)
The son left home and then returned because he knew his father loved him. And the Bible paints a beautiful picture of that homecoming: “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him” (verse 20 NLT).
Yes, there are prodigal sons and daughters. But there are prodigal fathers, too. Maybe you feel like a failure as a dad. Maybe you are thinking, Well, I have messed up. There is nothing I could ever do to make it right. Maybe you haven’t done it right up to this point – but you can change. Would you say, “Lord, I want to be a better father. I want to be a better spiritual leader. Change me”? God can help you to do that.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, you can come into a relationship with God – a relationship where you can call him “Father.” That was a revolutionary thought for a first-century Jew. When Jesus taught the disciples to pray, “Our Father in heaven,” it was unheard of to call the all-powerful, all-knowing God who created the heavens and the earth “Father,” but it became possible through what Jesus did on the cross. The Bible tells us, “But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons” (Galatians 4:4–5 NIV).
It may be that you never had a father at all. Except for a very brief time, I didn’t have a father when I was growing up, because my mother was married and divorced so many times. But God in heaven became the father I never had on earth. And God can do that for you, too. Whether or not your father was there for you, you have always had a Heavenly Father who loves you.
And even if you have failed in some regard as a father, as a man, it is not too late to start over again. You can start today to become the father God has called you to be. He is the best role model there is – and ever will be.
