I am writing this week’s column while on the second week of a family vacation with my wife and four children. We have been in an RV for several days, visiting Niagara Falls, Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket, while also trekking on into Canada. We’ve had some great ocean fishing adventures, including an overnight trip on a friend’s 73-foot sailboat and have seen many beautiful and memorable sites together.
You may be wondering why I am writing about our family vacation.
The reason is that I want to use my column this week to emphasize the importance of family. As a pastor, I can attest to the fact that parenting is sometimes not a top priority for some fathers and mothers. But it should be.
Without getting into meddling mode, I would like to point out that parenting requires an ongoing commitment to our children; it is a duty that is done out of a heart of love.
In my book “One Great Truth: Finding Your Answers to Life,” I included a chapter titled “Not My Priorities, but God’s,” in which I noted, “Misplaced priorities will always lead to heartache and pain.” This is very true of our families. If we, as parents, are not painstakingly investing in the lives of our children, we are doing them a disservice, and pain will be the likely result. And there are few things worse than seeing families in turmoil.
As a dad, I want to encourage other fathers to consider this: We must often disregard our own pursuits of pleasure so that we are instead utilizing our time with our families.
Ephesians 6:4 is a brief but very direct training session for fathers. It reads: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (NKJV).
In this verse, we see that Christian fathers have various roles in their children’s upbringing. We are to be: encouragers (“do not provoke”); teachers (“training”); leaders and representatives of Christ (“bring them up … in the admonition of the Lord”). Being a godly father requires much perseverance and prayer as we seek God’s guidance in being the types of fathers He wants us to be.
The late legendary college basketball coach Jim Valvano said, “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me.” What a beautiful legacy of fatherhood that is. One of my prayers is that my own children will have that same confidence in me.
You know, I see some fathers throwing money and lavish gifts at their children. But it is not “things” that our kids will remember about us when they look back on their lives. It will be precious moments spent together, maybe even doing simple things like playing catch in the back yard or enjoying a simple cookout or, yes, putting six people in one RV and taking off on an extensive road trip.
I don’t write this to say, “Look what a great dad I am.” Like most dads, I have certainly failed as a father. But like my own dad, I am committed to providing leadership in the home as well as encouraging other fathers to do the same.
The great American author Mark Twain once said, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
There is a lot of truth in that humorous observation. We see that Twain’s father had to make some decisions that were not popular with his young son. But as he aged, Twain was able to see the wisdom in his father’s judgments. We certainly reap what we sow.
From the roads of the great Northeast of our nation, I want to conclude with this father’s prayer:
“Lord, grant to me the wisdom to be an effective representative of Christ to my family. Please give me the capacity for putting away my own desires so that my time will be wisely spent investing in my children’s present and future. I pray that I will keep my mind on You, Father, in my pursuit of wholly living out the adage, ‘Not I, but Christ.'”
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