The Gates of babble-on

Years ago, I worked at a grocery store, and at the end of each day part of my job was to go into the office, balance the tills and prepare the evening's bank deposit.

One particularly slow evening, I decided to flip through the job applications that were filed in a cabinet below the desk. One in particular has stuck in my head all these years. On one of the completed applications, someone – I assume it was the store manager – had written in marker, "No! Black."

This was back in '90. No, not 1890 – but 1990.

That personal brush with racism has always served as a reminder for me that real obstacles still exist for a whole lot of people, and why such skepticism still exists. This is why "race pimps" in America need to be confronted and exposed as frauds and counter to the cause for which they claim to be fighting.

My optimism for the future of race relations in the United States took a hit last week when even the president of the United States got in on the act by assuming that the officer who arrested Harvard professor Henry Gates "acted stupidly." Obama then went into a diatribe about race relations in America, implying that the arrest was racially motivated and an exercise in profiling – because hey, all white people profile.

All indications are that the officer wanted to make sure the home belonged to Gates for his own safety after a neighbor called the police to report a burglary, and Gates, who apparently has a bigger chip on his shoulder than an ant carrying a Dorito, wasn't playing along. According to the police report, Gates was also upset that the officers didn't recognize him. Since when did university professors start thinking they're Madonna?

In any case, President Obama has invited Henry Gates and officer Crowley over for a beer, because everybody knows that any racial dispute can be defused by adding alcohol to the situation – it's just common sense. Crowley, to my knowledge, has yet to accept the invitation.

In the name of helping end all racial bias, I hope officer Crowley does not accept the invitation, because to do so would be tantamount to an admission of guilt to a charge of racism. This much is certain: Crowley isn't being invited over to be the recipient of an apology or even to engage in meaningful dialog – but for an intervention, community organizer-style.

The fact that the Fraternal Order of Police endorsed John McCain for president may have also contributed to Obama's unwillingness to give any benefit of the doubt to officer Crowley, and maybe that will be covered in the intervention.

Did Crowley overreact by arresting a man just for being lippy on his own property? That would have been a valid question, but Obama immediately, and perhaps instinctively, turned it into a race issue and threw all validity out the window. In language the president can understand, if Obama were a doctor, he removed the tonsils for reasons other than the patient's health.

The bad news is that, yes, racism still does exist in America. The good news is that sometimes those who are the loudest about being oppressed are some of the most successful people in the country.

Obama's gathering for a beer might make for a good Bud Light commercial:

Bud Light presents: Real men of racial genius (â™« "Reeaaal men of racial geniuuussss …" â™«)

Today, we salute you, Mr. anti-racial profiling racial profiler guy. (â™« "Mr. Anti-Racial Profiling Racial Profiler Guy!" â™«)

Armed with knowledge of a long history of past injustice and a laundry list of "yo momma" jokes, you proudly defend yourself against the racist cop who showed up assuming you were a crook. And why? Because somehow that racist made one of your own neighbors call the cops on you. (â™« "Put that night-stick away!" â™«)

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Undaunted in your quest to prove that the best way to win the long struggle to end profiling is by assuming that all white cops are racists, you demonstrate that oppression has to have been experienced to be understood. And who better understands the nightmare of minority oppression in America than a university professor who earns a high six-figure salary and has summers off?

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh beacon of blind assumptions. Because ironically, even though the honkies are out to get you, you'll always be welcome in the White House.