Black market, here we come

After I received an e-mail from my close friend David Axelrod, I dutifully glanced through the "Reality Check" about Obama's health care plan, prompting hysterical laughter as I wondered how in the world the Obama camp thinks this will help their case. Of course, I had also just received an e-mail from my Ohio senator, Sherrod Brown, featuring more joking points.

Among Senator Brown's claims was that since Big Insurance is fat and greedy, it really needs some healthy (no pun intended) competition. Guess where that's going to come from? The federal government! As we all know, the feds are running a really tight ship these days.

Which brings to mind a prediction about Obamacare that has gotten little or no coverage: the likely creation of a black market.

This is virtually guaranteed, because industrious Americans are not going to sit still for this nonsense. Once the real "Reality Check" happens and Joe the Health Consumer sees that he has only pathetic options with Obamacare, he will begin to seek other choices. And side-lined health professionals in this country will figure out a way to give him some.

Oh, sure, Kathleen Sebelius and others now say they are backing away from the "public" option. Uh – how does that happen? If "reform" is to take place as they envision it, there is no way except virtual total government control through prior approval of procedures, set fee schedules and mandated coverage for illegal aliens while nixing routine treatment Joe and other American citizens should have.

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After a year or so of denials for MRIs, dialysis and cataract surgery, Joe will access other providers: the doctors, nurses, lab techs and administrators who will offer the quality care for patients they know is possible. At some point, what they offer may not be legal, but it will still happen.

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They will also be making a profit, which is not the heinous sin Axelrod, Sherrod Brown and the Democratic-Socialist Party believes it is. Now, will this be unregulated, and will there be risks? Yes, but most Americans will feel more trust in these guys than in Obama's "change." It's that, or watch our families suffer, even die.

And of course, Americans will pay for under-the-table clinic visits on top of the guaranteed higher taxes that come with Obamacare. If you think health care is expensive now (with apologies to P.J. O'Rourke), wait until it's both free – and scarce.

The irony is that, while it will be easy to get an abortion, under Obamacare some Americans will be told their premature newborns do not deserve costly neonatal intensive care. Mature Americans who are a long way from death will be denied knee replacements, bypass procedures and pacemakers.

Under the non-discrimination clauses sure to be part of any health plan approved by the liberal Congress and signed by Obama, probably whatever the "gay" lobby wants will be covered, including provision until death of costly AIDS medications. AIDS, it just so happens, is highly preventable. Will homosexual bars be closed, parks policed, and massive parades and pride events outlawed or at least discouraged so less disease is spread? Will the government home visitation squads descend on Provincetown, the Castro District, West Hollywood and Key West to tell them what's what about anal sex? Very doubtful.

And it's unlikely the "transgendered" will be denied hormones and surgery to become the people they envision in their sadly distorted imaginations. Coverage will be readily available for the 21-year-old woman who wants her healthy breasts amputated because she's sure she's really a male trapped in a female body. But the 59-year-old woman with third-stage breast cancer may not get the full range of treatments because, well, 59 is really old and perhaps just taking some pain medication is more cost efficient. Just ask Dr. Barack.

I have always believed I am really a Playboy bunny trapped inside a rather ordinary female physique. Can I get Obamacare to pay for the plastic surgery I deserve to become who I believe I really am inside? Hey, who are you to tell me there's something wrong with my imagination? That sounds a lot like discrimination!

The David Axelrod comical communique from WhiteHouse.gov opened with this talking point: The health reform plan:

Ends Discrimination for Pre-Existing Conditions: Insurance companies will be prohibited from refusing you coverage because of your medical history.

Also, insurance companies will be prohibited from charging "exorbitant" deductibles or co-pays, from dropping coverage for those who are seriously ill, from placing caps on coverage, or from non-renewal.

This is total government control, and it will put private plans out of business. A takeover by Uncle Sam is inevitable, since he is perfectly able (until the country goes bankrupt) to operate at a deep deficit. As private companies go belly up, we will soon have only poor choices, in the form of the "co-op" model or something similar designed by a committee after all the voting is done. Apparently, the Obama plan designers graduated from the Money Grows on Trees MBA program. Pretty soon, all businesses will be accused of "discrimination" if they don't simply give you their products!

I am thinking that Nevada might be the first state to step up to the plate to offer black-market health care. Maybe Texas, too, right before secession. The locations will have to be somewhat remote, to cool the inevitable raids by ATFPH – you know, the Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Private Hospital regulatory agency.

If it's a black market, of course, organized crime may see the potential. "Hey, your kid need a tonsillectomy? My cousin Dr. Vinny can fix you right up!"

You know those "coyotes" that smuggle people from Mexico into the U.S.? Perhaps doctors will flee to Mexico to set up new clinics, and "medical coyotes" will start smuggling Americans into Mexico for treatment! Such emigration will infuriate the Obama administration, and then we'll finally get the border fence we've needed all along.

I'm seeing that "spas" and "health retreats" will advertise widely, and between the lines everyone will understand they can take out your brain tumor. You know, kind of like "gentleman's clubs" don't really offer prostitutes, wink, wink.

No, Americans are not going to take this lying down … or dying. Just as we have established religious, private schools and homeschooling to get quality educations for our kids apart from the disastrous government schools, and just like the necessity for real information birthed talk radio and conservative media, enterprising Americans will have a solution for this dilemma, too.

Underground children's hospitals? Mayo Diet and Exercise Retreat Center? Americans will always find a way.

Linda Harvey is a radio talk-show host and president of Mission America, a Christian pro-family organization.