Obama lesson plans for America

Editor’s note: Michael Ackley’s columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

First-year teacher Jill Poke was jolted awake with the realization she had no lesson plans for the week. The 23-year-old had spent her weekend partying and was entirely unprepared to keep her class of 30 fifth graders occupied for five days.

“If only I could buy a couple of days prep time,” she thought, not realizing her despair was shared by thousands of teachers across the nation.

She shrugged on her bathrobe, plucked the morning newspaper from her doorstep and plopped a couple of pieces of bread in her toaster, all the while worrying over the challenge ahead of her. As she climbed onto a stool at her kitchen counter, a headline – and a solution – caught her eye: “Obama to address schoolchildren.”

“The president will save me!” she thought. “The government will save me.”

Leaving her breakfast on the counter, she hurried to boot up her computer and log onto the Internet. There she easily found a long list of suggested classroom activities related to the president’s speech, thoughtfully provided by the U.S. Department of Education.

Excited, she realized, “I can spend a day preparing the class to hear the president, a day listening to him and talking about his speech, and a day doing activities related to the speech. I might even be able to stretch this through Friday!”

And so she did. As the Department of Education suggested – in a “Menu of Classroom Activities” that mentioned Obama a dozen times – she had her pupils answer questions she lifted verbatim from the “menu,” including:

“Why does President Obama want to speak with us today?

“How will he inspire us? How will he challenge us?

“What new ideas and actions is the president challenging me to think about? What resonated with you from President Obama’s speech? What lines/phrases do you remember?

“Why is it important that we listen to the president and other elected officials, like the mayor, senators, members of Congress or the governor?

“Why is what they say important?”

Indeed, she (and untold throngs of teachers) managed to extend the suggested curriculum to the end of the week, finishing by having her students write letters to themselves about what they could do “to help the president.”

Here are three of the letters she collected:

“Dear Me, I can help the president by telling my parents to support health-care reform, because if they do, I’ll always be healthy and able to help pay the debt they have given me. Love, Amy Handleman”

“Dear Myself, I can help the president by understanding that the Constitution is a ‘living document.’ Its meaning changes when new challenges, like providing health care for all, come up. I can help him by hoping for change. Sincerely, Howard Bashford Jr.”

“Dear Yo, I can help the president by asking ACORN to register my illegal alien parents to vote. They voted for President Obama in 2008, but really worried about being sent back to Mexico. Yours truly, Doroteo Arango.”

As Poke read the letters, she thought, “I can milk this further by following the Department of Ed suggestion that I collect the letters to be ‘redistributed at an appropriate later date … to make students accountable to their goals.’ I’ll even follow the department’s suggestion to take ‘notable quotes excerpted (and posted in large print on board) from President Obama’s speeches about education.’

“Looks like I’ll be partying for a couple more weekends.”

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Tuesday’s presidential address to schoolchildren will be a first, and a quick of Internet commentary on the plan yields numerous reminders – in numerous variations – of a quote from Adolf Hitler, which we first heard from our fifth grade teacher.

All of the variations on the Web had the gist of it the same: “Give me the youth of a nation, and I will take it without firing a shot.”

If you think the entire exercise isn’t political, consider Education Secretary Arne Duncan’s “letter to principals:”

“This is the first time an American president has spoken directly to the nation’s school children about persisting and succeeding in school. We encourage you to use this historic moment to help your students get focused and begin the school year strong. Since taking office, the president has repeatedly focused on education, even as the country faces two wars, the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression and major challenges on issues like energy and health care.”

One commentator thought the speech plan – particularly the Department of Education’s “Menu of Classroom Activities,” was a political mistake because it would provide “ammunition to the right wing.” Apparently the writer thinks the education department operates in a political vacuum and came up with its “menu” without input from the White House.

File under “naïve.” The very fact that the writer recognizes the “ammunition” implies that the entire exercise is tainted by politics.

Opposition to “cult of personality” propaganda is not right-wing, friends. It’s mainstream.

Final Question: How do you think the educators and the media would have reacted if President George W. Bush had announced an address to America’s schoolchildren?