The mystery of my diarrheic dog was solved this morning (after a visit to the vet earlier this week, a blood test, and special food). I mention this only because the mystery turns out to have a lot to do with politics and where America – and a lot of Americans – today find themselves.
After my escape from uber-green, politically correct, morally-bereft Seattle, the critters that jump over the fence into my backyard now have four legs – not two. Here in Oregon's flyover country, those critters are usually a herd of town deer. They simply moved in one hunting season (no shooting in town) and never left.
They do, however, leave something while they are in your backyard (after dining on your flowers and landscaping). Amateur biologists may think they know this as glistening little round droppings preserved by the winter frost – but trust me on this – it comes in many other consistencies (likely depending on how well the local landscaping agrees with the deer that ate it).
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My dog had decided – well, he's a dog – let's just say that the deer that ate something that didn't agree with them produced the greater delicacy for doggie dining. Ergo, garbage in, garbage out; doggie diarrhea mystery solved!
As I was contemplating my vet bill, I realized that there was a larger truth being revealed here. The herd of town deer are really the politicians in the state and federal government. They've moved in uninvited, bred and reproduced in town where you can't shoot them, and gotten fat taxing our economic efforts and dining on our apple trees and tasty landscaping.
This "town deer" herd of politicians are jumping our fences and pooping all over our yards with their legislative delicacies. The bulk of their output tends to resemble that of diarrheic deer, perhaps because the politicians are particularly fond of dining with parasitic lobbyists and the accompanying "wink, wink, nod, nod" bribery (otherwise known as campaign contributions). Let's face it: Our pathetic little backyards can only support a very limited amount of their legislative output.
One wonders, for instance, how Harry Reid justifies his existence for the folks in Nevada (and the rest of the nation) while he's so busy trying to shove abortion down our throats and at the same time shaft us with the "public option" in state medicine, which will be every bit as much of an "option" as refusing a sobriety test when the state trooper calls to get your car towed out of the ditch some dark night.
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One also wonders how San Francisco's crazy aunt escaped the padded cell in the Pelosi family basement, and now feels entitled to jump into the nation's backyards and doctor's offices, where she can dictate treatment, financing, set up death panels to govern grandma and grandpa's remaining time on Social Security, and otherwise s--- all over the rest of us with her legislative diatribes.
Perhaps even more unsettling is the state-supported leftists running around the nation's towns, dining on the politicians' diarrheic output, and pausing only long enough to look up with their s--- eating grins and tell us what a wonderful delicacy it is. People from overbearing socialist basket cases flood America to find freedom, only to learn that our state-supported leftoid morons are busy duplicating the failures of socialism and communism here. The crumbled Soviet empire's message of "garbage in, garbage out" seems never to have entered their meager brainwave orbit.
To insure that the left can keep doing more of the same, they've set up corrupt "community" organizations that bastardize charitable giving and use public money in furtherance of their socialist political agenda. They lie and defame those who are upset with their efforts to hand America over to Islamic terrorists, transfer our nation's wealth to corrupt, third-world dictators, and transfer our liberties to the "world governance community", which is at the apex of the world's delicacy-generating politicians.
Out here in flyover country, those of us in receipt of this legislative largesse are in general agreement that the solution to our "deer" problem is a town deer hunt. This would cull the inbreeding before it overwhelms us, restore genetic diversity to the herd, and weed out those with a propensity to deposit their diarrhea in our backyards. In short, it would restore the town deer herd to a more natural, wild state, where they can use their native talents and ability to thrive – somewhere else.