How a Kinsey victim lives with molestation trauma

"Esther White" as an adult

Editor's note: Yesterday, WND published the first part of an exclusive interview with "Esther White" (a pseudonym). In it, she described the sexual molestation she suffered at the hands of her father and grandfather during the course of the famed Kinsey sex research, and revealed that Kinsey and his colleagues were aware that she was being abused, and indeed witnessed her father being paid by Kinsey. The balance of the interview explores how the molestation affected White throughout her life, her stunning spiritual conversion and why she came forward to speak out about Kinsey.

WND: How has being abused affected you emotionally?

EW: I think what's bothered me most in my life is that they used me. I was an experiment. They used me as an experiment. I don't want to be used by anyone. It's dehumanizing.

Over the years – as a teenager, I was totally, you know, I decided that I was going to be abstinent until I was married. What I did was I buried all of this. My mother told me when she found out, "We will not talk about this again." And we didn't. She did ask me several times whether my dad was still trying to molest me. I didn't know it at the time, but there would have been a divorce. In those days divorce would have been a terrible thing, because God hates divorce.

It was pretty profound when my mother caught us in the act. She walked in on us. She was outraged, and my mother was a quiet woman. She sent me out of the house completely. I don't know what went on in that room, but I'm sure it was not pleasant. After about an hour she came out and told me that what my father had been doing was against the law, and she had the right to call the police and have him put in jail. But she was afraid of what it would do to me, having the police come and pick him up. I had childhood friends around.

She asked me whether she should turn him in or not. In a split second I had to make a decision whether to send my father to jail. I didn't fully understand. I would have sent him to jail today, but I chose not to then. And then he was gone, she kicked him out.

They sold that house, we moved to another city where I had a wonderful aunt and uncle and cousins and so forth. She eventually took him back, because he cried, and I don't know what all. He begged to come back (and promised) that he'd never do it again. And she watched him like a hawk. I don't think it was a pleasant time, but he asked her forgiveness.

He did try to molest me again, but I was strong enough, and I realized how terrible it was. I had her to back me up, so I threatened to tell Mother. He never stopped his whole life. That's why I think child molesters should stay in captivity. They are never cured. But I'd threaten to tell Mother, and he'd back off.

He tried to sleep with me even after I was married. It's a terrible mind-controlling thing to be a child molester. Someone who wants to sleep with a child is sick and they need to be confined to a hospital for the rest of their life. Maybe in a city of refuge or something so they can't hurt children.

Father didn't try to molest me often, just once in a while. He propositioned me, he didn't molest me, to see whether I would be willing. He thought this was love. He confused sex and love, mentally.

It did have an effect on me throughout my life. I buried it as much as I could, because I knew it was an evil thing. God forgives if we ask Him to, but there's still shame. I don't want my family to be ashamed. They know, but I told them we don't need to talk about it anymore.

I buried it for many years, until I was 55. When I finally had to tell my husband it was pretty profound. He suspected for a long time. I needed to have prayer support all around me, and there's a strong women's prayer group that has helped me through this.

WND: How did this affect your relationships with men?

EW: I controlled what happened. I dated, I had normal dating relationships, but they knew better than to try anything. I don't know how I communicated that, but I did. I was a Christian, and so maybe they didn't try. In those days things were different. Nobody was having sex in those years, everybody was abstinent. That was the '50s. It wasn't until Kinsey's books came out in '48 and '53 that the sexual revolution started, and only a few people even knew about the books at the time, people in universities and people who were interested in this sort of thing.

Fortunately I married a man who was a wonderful husband, but he ended up with a very frigid wife. But he was very understanding. I can understand why a lot of marriages are unstable with women who were molested as children. My husband died 14 years ago.

WND: How did you get through it all these years?

EW: My dad had a stroke in '89, and I ended up taking care of him for two years. I moved to his house to take care of him and my mother, and I started attending Calvary Chapel. I told one of the pastors about it. He was flabbergasted, and he suggested I get involved in the Friday morning Bible study. I've been in that study ever since.

So I was working through this while I was caring for my dad, and that's when I told my sons and my husband. He didn't know before then. He said, "I don't know how you can take care of your dad like this." You just have to forgive somebody like that, he was so taken in by the fame of Kinsey.

In my Bible study last week, they asked us to talk about our first encounter with God. I couldn't tell anybody about it. I wrote it in my notebook, but I didn't tell anybody about it.

"Esther White" at age 9

I became a Christian a long time ago. During one of the times my father was raping me, it was in the wintertime in a car out on a freezing lonely road. I was lying on my back, I was congested and I couldn't get my breath. I was crying so profusely I could hardly breathe, and I thought I was going to die. He was having so much fun he couldn't figure out why I wasn't.

I looked through the window and I saw the most gorgeous moon and bright winter stars and I thought, "There is a God," and "Help me God." And He did, I lived through it, and I guess that's my first encounter with a holy God. The Lord just tapped me on the shoulder. When I needed it, He was there. I didn't fully understand Christianity until years later, but I knew that He was there when I needed Him.

I'm very active in my church, Calvary Chapel, and the prayer warriors there have been praying for me for 20 years. The Lord has really mellowed me with the years. I know the Lord can do anything, he can get me through all of this with my sanity. I'm thankful to the Lord for His grace and mercy.

WND: How do you feel about Kinsey and your father now?

EW: I’m angry at what these people did to my family. I feel Kinsey caused the problems in my family. I think they wouldn't have been involved in anything like this unless some crazy man had thought up something like this and enticed them with an educational glamour job. My grandfather loved being a teacher. Anything that had to do with education, he loved that.

WND: Why did you decide to start talking about what was done to you?

EW: I saw Judith Reisman on Focus on the Family pushing a video by Robert Knight called "The Children of Table 34." I had been silent until then, but when I saw the video with the stopwatch on the front, I ordered the video. It's all about "Where are the children of Table 34," and I realized, "My gosh, they're looking for me." Up until then I was a nobody, hiding all this stuff inside. It helped me heal.

I introduced myself to Reisman at a Concerned Women for America national conference. She didn't know who I was, and she was very skeptical. She checked me out good, she wanted proof. I faxed her a copy of my grandfather's teaching certificate from IU, and she did a lot of research checking me out. Then we went to the Family Research Council and met with Bob Knight.

I really want the government to investigate the Kinsey Institute for what they've done and what they're probably doing now. I think the Kinsey Institute has files there that need to be opened by the government.

Once I saw a picture of the files that they had. They were bragging that they had all the files of experiments they were doing on children like me. I think there are movies in there. My dad took movies of what he did to me. They were home movies. The camera was one of those wind-up types.

WND: Did your father ever show you the movies of his sessions with you?

EW: No, I think he sent them to Kinsey.

WND: In the wake of the Guatemala mea culpas Oct. 1, do you think anybody owes you and the other subjects of these experiments an apology for what they did to you?

EW: Did you notice it was on Friday when they let it out? Their timing was perfect, it got buried.

I don't need an apology, all I need is the government to go in and prove the fact that Kinsey is at the bottom of Planned Parenthood and SIECUS and what they're teaching about sex and homosexuality in our schools. I know what they were doing, trying to prove that kids are sexual from birth. They've contaminated our schools ever since my grandfather taught at Central High School in Columbus, Ohio.

Also we have a health care system that is corrupt, and this was done in the name of science. The CDC is part of what they did in Guatemala, and they didn't care about those people.

I get palpitations when I have to blurt out this stuff to someone, but I want somehow to make a difference in what we're teaching our kids in the schools, so that we can get this homosexual indoctrination out of the schools. They are trying to recruit for the homosexual lifestyle. They can't have children, so they have to indoctrinate our little children.

I would hope that there would be some kind of conversation with organizations that would teach abstinence. Our government is not going to do it, but an organization that's committed to abstinence education. I worked with an organization like that, they were doing a wonderful job in the high schools here in Anaheim, 63 percent of kids who took their class said they'd be abstinent after leaving the class. But they lost their funding 10 years ago.

If we were teaching abstinence we wouldn't have to deal with abortion so much, the abortion count would be 75 percent less than what it is now. Our educational system has been turned upside down by the evil one. I think Kinsey was Satan incarnate.

WND: What did you think of the portrayal of Kinsey in the recent movie with Liam Neeson?

EW: I didn't see the movie. I thought it was terrible they made it in the first place. He was very nice to me when he interviewed me, because I was just a little girl, but I have no idea what he was thinking at the time. He was insane, he was evil.

I think the experimentation done with government funding is an ongoing issue. That's what was going on with Kinsey. Scientific experimentation. They didn't care about people, they cared about statistics. I was a statistic just like those people in Guatemala were.

We need to get parents to realize that abstinence does work. The last two generations of parents have been brainwashed by Planned Parenthood that abstinence doesn't work, but it does. I was abstinent, and I had a wonderful marriage.

Read Part 1 of the WND interview with "Esther White."

Today's related story:

Child-rape victim's story prompts probe for more

Media members who wish to interview the reporter, Brian Fitzpatrick, or Dr. Judith Reisman, who has written books about Kinsey, please e-mail WND.