Apparently, the terrorist-detection procedures of the Obama administration are derived from the age-old method used to tell if puppies are boys or girls. One just has to hold up the puppy in question and have a look. Or, as the method’s equivalent works down at the Transportation Security Administration, one just pulls Granny out of the line and performs the Safe Skies Samba.

If only there were some way for the TSA to tell Muslim terrorists who want to blow up a plane from Episcopalian grandmothers without viewing or groping the private parts of both groups, an unpleasant legal showdown could be avoided.

The showdown in question is not the one between the Obama administration’s continuing expansion of power over American citizens and the will of the citizenry to roll back government intrusion; that one cannot and should not be avoided. No, the legal showdown that is brewing could be avoided by the simple expedient of providing separate security lines for gay and lesbian passengers.

Let me explain. The pat downs for passengers who choose physical groping over radioactive voyeurism must be conducted by same-sex TSA workers. This requirement is based upon the government’s desire to avoid any discomfort or embarrassment that passengers might feel from being groped by a government employee of the opposite sex.

We can pause here for a moment to allow you to regain your composure.

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But the TSA’s political-correctness detector seems to have blown a fuse here. Have the masterminds at the TSA considered the experience of gay and lesbian passengers forced to choose between radiation and rubdowns conducted by a same-sex stranger?

And what about the experience of gay and lesbian TSA workers forced to conduct same-sex pat downs? How would those experiences differ from those of heterosexual women forced to endure pat downs by heterosexual males in the TSA or heterosexual women in the TSA forced to pat down heterosexual men? The phones at the American Civil Liberties Union must be ringing off the hook.

It’s as if the Obama administration has replaced “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” with “Don’t Gasp, Don’t Yell.”

Following the dictates of political correctness, should not gays and lesbians have the same right as heterosexuals to governmental intrusion without the sexual overtones? That would mean pat downs by a worker of the opposite sex for gays and lesbians. But the only way to ensure the politically correct match between the groper and the groped would be to engage in profiling.

Now, technically, the goal of profiling would be to ensure that gay and lesbian passengers experience the exact same degree of humiliation and intrusion as heterosexuals. That is what “equality” means in the Obama administration. But equality is not the problem.

The problem is that the profiling needed to protect gay and lesbian passengers in the interest of political correctness is in itself politically incorrect. That is why we are all expected to pretend that everyone who boards a plane in the United States is equally likely to be a Muslim terrorist toting a bomb in his briefs.

Babies, Baptists, Boosters from Boise and Boy Scouts, any one of them could be acting on orders from the local imam. To say any different would be tantamount to saying that the 9/11 hijackers, the Beltway sniper, the shoe bomber, the bloomer bomber, the would-be Times Square bomber and Maj. Hasan were all Muslims.

Which, of course, they were. And that is the point of this little excursion into liberal absurdity.

The Obama administration’s forced choice between Full Monty scanners and pat downs for all passengers does not appear designed to increase airline security. The Israelis use neither of those methods, and their airline security record is impressive, especially considering the neighborhood. Routine, sensible security measures for all passengers and more intensive scrutiny of anyone who might be a Muslim terrorist seem to work quite well. Israel does not waste precious resources worrying about rampaging Baptists hell-bent on killing innocent Israelis, because there aren’t any.

The purpose of the TSA’s new and more intrusive policies seems clear. They represent yet one more encroachment upon the liberty and privacy of American citizens. It seems that the left’s long march through the institutions has reached our crotches.

The citizens are saying, “You can’t be serious.” And the Obama administration is saying, “Yes we can.”

We seem to have reached a choice point.


Tim Daughtry is a conservative writer, speaker and political consultant with Concord Bridge Consulting in Greensboro, N.C.

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