We, the liberal Democrats and squishy Republicans of the first decade of the 21st century, being busybodies with unsound minds, do hereby bequeath to the children of America, those born and those yet to be born, this legacy of national debt, economic and political chaos, and international weakness.
Our first gift to you is a sentimental one, at least for us. It is a box of bumper stickers reading "Children First." We originally used the "Children First" slogan as a diversion to allow us to give more tax money to the teachers' unions under the guise of "education" spending. In return, those unions returned some of the money to us as campaign contributions.
But looking at those bumper stickers eventually gave us the idea of putting you, the future children of America, first on our list of revenue sources. We figured we could spend you into debt and you couldn't join a tea party or vote or otherwise do a darn thing about it.
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Which brings us to our second gift to you, a total debt of about $15 trillion. We could be under by a few trillion here or there. We never were too good with numbers.
If this seems to you like taxation without representation, please understand that we could not increase the taxes on working Americans much more, as we were already taxing the fillings out of their teeth to pay for our union payoffs, vote-buying and stimulus schemes to expand our power and control. The taxpayers were starting to wake up, and they were casting an unhappy eye at our schemes.
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Spreading the wealth from your pockets to ours was the only alternative other than living within our means, and that would have required the character, self-discipline and self-restraint we found so laughable and backward in mainstream Americans.
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So, if things get too tight, just raise the debt ceiling, borrow more money, spend like there is no tomorrow, and pass the debt on to your own children. It always worked for us. That's why we're giving you the bumper stickers.
Still, $15 trillion is a lot of coin, so you might want to consider getting a second and maybe a third job, if you can find them. Just don't look in manufacturing. We needed to create the illusion of economic prosperity to stay in power, and we did that by giving away our manufacturing base in return for cheap goods.
So our third gift to you is your current standing as a beggar among the nations of the world. You might want to stay on the good side of the Chinese, as they hold much of the debt we are passing on to you. They will tell you what you need to do to stay on their good side, so just do that. It gets easier once you get used to it.
We always thought sovereignty was overrated, anyhow.
As you will be unable to afford restaurants or movies for entertainment, our fourth gift to you is this treasure map showing you places to look for Obama's birth certificate. Personally, we don't think the darn thing exists, but it has provided years of entertainment to previous generations, and we are sure you will find it a welcome diversion.
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And trust us, in the economic and political shape you're in, you're going to need some cheap diversions.
By the way, don't start getting any ideas about moving to another country and signing up for their welfare system. Other countries are loyal to their own citizens and their own children, so they are very strict about immigration. We, on the other hand, needed the votes of illegal aliens for our voter-fraud campaigns, and the open-borders policy was the path of least resistance.
Just don't say or do anything to offend the Muslims and you should be OK. Besides, a little Shariah law here and there will help you to appreciate diversity.
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Our final gift to you is this excellent replica, on recycled paper, of the Constitution that once governed your country back when it had laws and borders. You might get a kick out of it when you look around at what we have left you.
Please to do not contact us with questions or comments, as we are living high on the hog in retirement, thanks in part to your generous, if unintentional, contributions. It might ease your minds to know that those of us who left this legacy to you still have access to high-quality health care of our own choosing.
You, however, might wish to get on the Obamacare waiting list now if you plan to get sick any time soon.
Tim Daughtry is a conservative writer, speaker and political consultant with Concord Bridge Consulting in Greensboro, N.C.
