The forgotten fathers

On this Father's Day weekend, it is customary to acknowledge the critical impact dads have in the lives of their kids. Unlike Mother's Day which tends to be suffocatingly syrupy, Father's Day usually evokes manly themes such as sports, home improvements and electronics.

Of course, not every man is a dad. What I mean is, not every male who has biologically fathered a child deserves the term "dad." A dad, obviously, is there to parent his child. There are far too many scummy males who procreate indiscriminately and don't give a rip about the lives they help create. For these males, I have nothing but the deepest contempt.

But sadly in today's society there is a huge segment of men who ache to be daddies for their children, but are deprived of that opportunity by women who think the male input isn't necessary. Whenever I touch on this topic, I get heartbreaking emails from men whose wives decided they were no longer a necessary component of their children's lives and legally forced them to abandon their kids.

In this they are aided and abetted by feminist, genderless courts that relegate men to the role of sperm donors and (sometimes) financial supporters. What is forgotten amidst the drama is all the unseen, unheralded things dads teach their children.

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True dads – men who value their gender's magnificent contributions to a healthy, balanced society – teach their sons to tame the testosterone and respect women. They teach their boys to embrace their biological roles as protectors and providers. They help their sons learn practical outlets for burgeoning hormones – sports, physical labor, mechanics, carpentry, whatever.

Less obvious but just as critical are the lessons dads teach their daughters. By watching how a man treats his wife, how hard he works to support his family, how consistently he approaches their religious education … girls learn what to look for in a future husband. Dads protect their daughters from predatory males. They teach their girls to respect their bodies rather than give their virtue to any guy who shows them attention.

But many women dismiss these important contributions. No one ever questions the need for mothers, but there is actually a segment of women, raised on feminism, who question the psychological and emotional need for fathers. "Lots of children grow up without their fathers and turn out just fine," sniffs author Louise Sloan, a single woman who deliberately conceived via a turkey baster and whose 2007 book, "Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide To Becoming A Single Mom," was naturally controversial. Women like this (who defend their choice of single motherhood) like to point out the messiness of life that deprives children of a father (death, divorce, abandonment) as justification for choosing to raise kids without a dad. But no sane person – and I emphasize sane – can truly believe that dads are unnecessary. Only astoundingly self-centered women believe that.

With the "me first" mentality endemic in feminism, it should come as no surprise that too many women refuse to recognize the importance of fathers. It's one thing to lose a dad through death. That can't be helped, though it will always leave a dad-shaped hole in a child's heart. But many women think their kids simply don't need their dads. They think they can do it all themselves. But no woman can be a father.

The impact of fatherlessness comes to a head during a child's teenage years and often manifests itself through rebellion, anger, or self-destructive behavior. A significant percentage of teen girls sleep around and inevitably become child-parents themselves in a desperate attempt to fill that hole. And then the government steps in to become the "daddy" they never had or the husband they'll never need (at least, for financial support). Thus the cycle of fatherlessness and poverty is perpetuated.

Hollywood and the mainstream media have glorified single motherhood to the point where it's become the preferred state for families. Government regulation follows suit. "By 1990s," notes writer "Pearle Harbour" in her essay "Feminism: Beauty or the Beast?," "these laws [to protect women] had become a way to control men. Men became intimidated and fearful of false allegations. False allegations rise 80 percent during a divorce. … Family court is the feminist's best ally in their creation of a 'fatherless society.' Family court is a ferocious battleground leaving carnage all through its halls of justice. A perfected legal forum to control fathers/children emotionally and financially. Men have been reduced to a legally intimidated, frightened, and meek population. Men afraid of gender biased laws enforced by a pro-female legal system … Fathers whisper in secret about their fears of being falsely accused and imprisoned. Their lives ruined by pointing of fingers and untruths spoken."

No wonder men have become wary of marriage and commitment. How many men hesitate to enter into matrimony lest their most precious creations be yanked away at any time and for any reason?

Society can try to redefine biology all it wants, but there will be consequences. And the consequences are generations of people growing up bitterly missing one single, simple factor: their fathers.

How are children doing amidst this feminist utopia of fatherlessness? Sixty-three percent of child suicides are from fatherless homes. Eighty-five percent of all children with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. Seventy-one percent of all high-school dropouts come from fatherless homes. Fatherless teen girls are eight times more likely to get pregnant. Whoo-hoo, the kids are doing great!

It's all about reality, not rhetoric, folks. People are forever bleating about the need for good role models for children, whether it's in sports, music, or pop culture. Yet they forget about or disparage the best role models of all – the mom AND dad with whom every child wants to grow up.

Of course, children have succeeded in life despite not having a father, but that's a "despite," not "because of." There will always be a hole in the heart of any child who grows up without a dad. To blatantly disregard the need for a father in a child's life despite all emotional, clinical, societal, medical, psychological, historical and common-sense evidence is at best stupid and at worst evil.

To all the men who embrace their role as father: I salute you.

To all the wives who know the value of men: I applaud you.

To all the feminists who think dads aren't necessary: Get your head out of your unmentionable body part.