National Stalker Awareness Month

By Johnny Alamo

So, I noticed that Skippy took time out from another round of golf in Hawaii to issue a proclamation. January 2012 is now officially National Stalker Awareness Month. I would like to personally take this opportunity to thank the Marxist in chief for bringing this issue to the forefront. You see, I, Johnny Alamo, am a victim of stalking.

I began to notice the stalking of my person back in the '70s. This stalker was prying into my personal information in a way that could only be construed as illegal. He knows where I live and where I work. He demands that my boss relinquish personal information about me and even that my employer send a portion of my wages to him. He extorts this money at gunpoint and gets away with it.

He knows what kind of vehicle I drive, where I bought it and what county it is in. He has demanded that I contribute money to car companies that only employ workers that he approves of and build cars that nobody wants to buy. He has also forced me to give money to failed financial institutions to prop them up for making bad business decisions he has forced them to make. And then he strong arms me to give money to people that won't work for a living so that they can have the same or a better level of comfort in life than I have.

He knows what weapons I purchase for protection, where I buy them and is attempting to prevent me from buying more. He also tells me which weapons I can buy and which ones I can't. At the same time he compels me to buy weapons for drug cartels in Mexico so they can kill our border agents with them.

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He knows if I have health insurance or not and can make me purchase it even if I don't want to. He is attempting to gain access to all my medical records as well. He will also determine what health-care procedures I can have and which ones I can't. And if I get too old, he will determine that I am not worth many lifesaving procedures any longer.

He increasingly knows my whereabouts at all times and knows where I travel to and when. He also has sexually accosted me in airports and invaded my privacy in numerous ways when I travel. He even has machines that will take nude photographs of me and does not allow me to see them or know what he does with them.

This stalker even is trying to tell me what I can feed my family and myself. He forces the food establishments that I frequent and companies that I purchase packaged food products from to limit my choices to what he deems healthy and suitable for my ingestion.

If I buy a piece of land, he tells me what I can and can't do with it; if I start a business he tells me what I can and can't sell and even tells me what I can charge for it. If I want to move my business to another state that is more friendly to the environment we operate in, he tells me I can't. If I hire employees, he tells me how much they will make, what benefits I will provide and that I can't fire them if I want to.

In short, this stalker has intruded into every aspect of my life in one way or another. In fact, I could charge him with many more crimes than stalking. So how could any court of public opinion condemn me for protecting myself from this monster? If I could only find a law enforcement agency or court to file a complaint with, one this stalker does not already control like Don Corleone. I could certainly tell them where to find him.

Johnny Alamo hails from the Lone Star State and is an eighth-generation Texan. Like his ancestors, he believes in freedom and liberty and believes that the best way to preserve those values is to limit the federal government to the constitutional restraints laid out it by the founders.