SYDNEY, Australia – Bush fires! Must be global warming. Record Queensland floods! Global warming. Highest temperature ever recorded in Sydney! Global warming. Record snowfall right across the Northern Hemisphere! Global warming.

Er, just a few problems with that. The bush fires in Australia, and California, and Cyprus, and Russia, are natural events (except the ones started by arsonists or zitty teenagers carelessly discarding beer-bottles in the sun).

There were more, and worse, floods in Queensland in the 40 years before 1900 than in the 112 years since.

The recent record high temperature of 45.8 C in Sydney was recorded on a thermometer that stands just 10 yards from an asphalt pavement, surrounded by tall city blocks shimmering in the heat their air-conditioners push out.

The previous record temperature in what is now Sydney, 42.8 C, was set in 1790. Watkins Tench, a Marine officer accompanying the first convict settlers, correctly hung the thermometer well above the ground at Rose Hill, out of direct sunlight and in a rural area.

Not so the Australian Bureau of Meteorology, which has its Sydney monitoring station in a city of 4.6 million people, compared with the 1,715 settlers in Tench’s time.

As for record snow cover, even the U.N.’s profiteering climate panel has had to admit that warmer weather ought to mean less snow. Not that that has stopped the usual suspects from saying the opposite.

Oh, and there’s been no global warming for 16 years (Monckton to the U.N. climate conference in Doha), 18 years (Hadley Center’s data, version 4), 19 years (version 3), or even 23 years (RSS satellite temperature record).

Yet Tim Flannery, the vastly overpaid chief Klimate Khaos Kommissar of Australia (180,000 Gillard roubles a year for just three days a week making stuff up), seriously expects us to blame recent extreme weather on global warming that has been predicted but has not happened yet. Hold the front page. Flannelly has invented time travel. Tomorrow’s imagined warming caused yesterday’s bad weather. Yeah, right.

It was Flattery who, a couple of years ago, said the Murray-Darling river system, the largest usable water resource this end of Australia, would never flow again. Since then, so much rain has fallen that every reservoir seems full to bursting. We had six inches last night alone.

It was Flappery who admitted, in response to a question I had suggested to his interviewer, that even if Australia’s hated “carbon tax” were to succeed as fully as its half-baked inventors had intended it would reduce global warming by less than a thousandth of a Celsius degree (actually, more like a twenty-thousandth). And all this at a cost of $150 billion and counting, over just 10 years – plus $1.8 million for Flazza, of course. Ka-CHING!

Black Jesus, in his inaugural address in Washington, said (again) that he was going to Save The Planet from all those bush fires. Yea, verily. Just like that. The thousands of gormless, swooning teenagers on the National Mall screeched their excitement, and added to non-existent sea-level rise by wetting themselves.

Now hear this, BJ. The Planet was triumphantly Saved 2,000 years ago (by the real Jesus, who, unlike you, had a genuine Nazarene birth certificate entered in the census record). So it doesn’t need Saving again. Global warming had stopped more than a decade before you first took office.

Why, then, are the Messianic Marxists and Pharaonic Fascists and teetotal totalitarians like Obama and Prime Minister Julia Gillard so mesmerized by the now-collapsed “global warming” scare? Because it allows them to bring back absolute, centralized control of everyone’s lives, down to the last poison-filled light bulb.

In Australia, the cost of energy and of much else has already skyrocketed as a result of the carbon tax. But get this. Because I am writing this column from Sydney, I could be fined $1.1 million for exercising my right of free speech and pointing this fact out.

And that would be just about the only revenue the Gillard Politburo would get from the carbon tax this year. It is not bringing in as much as Kommissar Flaggery-Pokery would have liked. Originally, he was going to charge $23 for the right to emit a ton of carbon dioxide. But the EU’s rigged carbon-trading market – even though it was rigged – had collapsed three times, so Australia’s proposed “price on carbon” was thrice the collapsed “price” on the EU’s fraud-ridden carbon “exchanges.”

So Gillard rigged Sydney’s carbon market by tying it to the EU “market” “price.” And that was a mistake. For this week the EU’s rigged “market” has collapsed again – even though it’s rigged. The bureaucrats can’t even rig a market. Rights to emit a ton of carbon dioxide have been trading this week for as little as $3 each.

The carbon-trading scam was devised purely to buy the support of absolute bankers and fat financiers – at great expense to the rest of us, of course. But the scare is now over. So the emphasis has switched to Agenda 21, a 40-chapter U.N. program to introduce fascism worldwide in the guise of environmental regulation.

I shall have more to say about the gruesome, furtive rise of the New Fascism in the coming weeks, after I have visited several farms in South Australia whose owners have been bullied and fined and imprisoned in the name of complying with environmental regulation.

Just one story as a taster. A few years ago the crazed eco-fascists fined a resident of the State of Victoria $100,000 – a flagrantly disproportionate sum – for clearing brushwood from his house to prevent bush fires from destroying it. Six months later, a bush fire wiped out the entire village where he lived, except for his own house, because he had cleared the brushwood.

Don’t expect any common sense from Fattery-Headery or his ilk. Foresight, though, is another matter. He can tell you that tomorrow’s global warming will have caused yesterday’s bush fires. Yea, verily. It is even so.

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