Fox News has come up with the best political show on television. It’s called “The Political Insiders,” and you’ll never see an ivory tower, self-proclaimed political “consultant,” “strategist” or political “expert.” All three partners on the show have been muddied and bloodied in the political trenches for real. They are Doug Schoen, former pollster for the Clintons; Pat Caddell, former pollster for Jimmy Carter; and John LeBoutillier, former congressman from New York.

Each open-handedly and fist-clenchedly bashes his own party without hesitation or apology. When you watch “The Political Insiders,” you may feel like a resident of Communist Europe hearing Radio Free Europe for the first time!

On Sunday’s show, May 18, they were debating the Veterans Affairs scandal. John LeBoutillier leaned forward and said (paraphrasing), “We three were discussing solutions just before the show. Here’s what we do:  Get rid of the VA. Shut it down completely. Then give every returning veteran an insurance card which will allow him to go to any hospital and get the same treatment a member of Congress would get free of charge.”

You could almost feel the Twitter infrastructure fighting the earthquake that comment was causing. Doug Schoen said, “LeBoutillier for Senate!” The rest of the nation was tweeting, “Thank you, John LeBoutillier.” And “God bless you, Mr. LeBoutillier!” Pat Caddell added, “This is great, John. You’ve put forth a specific solution to a major problem a political party could focus on and win!”

After that magic moment, I changed my “registration” from “right-winger.” I’m now a “solutionist.” We did more, accomplished more and hated each other less when the nation cared less about who’s left and who’s right than about how to dig a Panama Canal after the French had failed.

Some problems have difficult, or maybe no, solutions at all. But others are finger-snappingly simple, effective and eminently do-able!

When my brakes failed in Baltimore, I hit a brick wall head-on. Fortunately I was only going 15 miles an hour. But I never dreamed a jolt at 15 miles per hour could be so impressive. I, who breeze along at 60 mph feeling deprived that I can’t go faster, suddenly gained respect for 15 mph. And I’ve been a safer driver ever since.

Idea:  Give every driver’s licensing authority in America a device something like the Air Force “sled” that acquainted pilots in training with various forces they would encounter. At your driving test, you would be strapped into the sled and “hit a wall” in simulation at 15 mph. Imagine the lift-saving “respect” we’ll spread, especially when you consider that your 15 mph “jolt” will be multiplied many times at normal speeds, and then imagine the jolts added by the speed of the car you’re colliding with.

I believe we could cut the terrible toll of Americans dying on our highways by a significant percentage.

Would you like the rich to pay a “fairer” share of taxes without passing stupid communist laws? Do what Norway does. Publish and publicize the Top 10 taxpayers in America, and then do the same state by state. When the wealthy folks approach the threshold of qualifying for the Top 10, they’ll change the instructions to their accountants from “Avoid as much as you can” over to “Let’s see if by adding to our true tax debt we can throw in a little more and become national heroes!” It works over there!

Dick Gregory, on my radio show, suggested we do away with food stamps and, instead, make them “nutrition” stamps. That’s aiming for the stars in hopes of at least hitting the moon. Your “nutrition” stamps would get you healthy cuts of meat, good vegetables and juices, etc. You’d get none of those deleterious pastries and desserts sweetened with that wretched corn syrup. Those who need food stamps would have more nutrition, more energy and more ambition to get out and bring in more money. If you think I’m not aware of how many food-stamp recipients don’t give a howling-hog-hoot about getting more energy and a better job, you’re wrong. I am aware, and I don’t care. Americans should be healthier. Our normal American supermarket diet may as well have been planned by a nutritionist named Osama bin Laden.

One night a huge truck got wedged into an underpass and couldn’t extricate itself. The chief of police came down in his overcoat. The mayor was already there. A crowd gathered. The police chief wanted to remove a section of the bridge to free the truck. The mayor thundered back, “No, let’s cut off the top of the truck.”

A six-year-old boy in the crowd piped up and asked, “Why not just let some air out of the tires?”

He’ll be the Solutionist Party candidate in that town as soon as he’s old enough to run against that mayor!

Media wishing to interview Barry Farber, please contact [email protected].


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