Counting down to Jan. 20, 2017

By Burt Prelutsky

There used to be a popular radio show, followed by an equally popular TV show, called “The Amateur Hour.” Singers, comedians and musicians, including even accordion players, would seek fame and fortune by competing on the show. These days, that notion has morphed into any number of similar shows, the most successful of which is “American Idol.”

What led me to think about all this is the realization that by the time the next president is inaugurated, Barack Obama will have held office for 2,922 days. (Don’t forget to count leap years before writing to question my math.) Or in other words, we will have suffered through the equivalent of 70,128 amateur hours.

In his book “Presidential Power,” Richard Neustadt wisely wrote: “The Presidency is no place for amateurs. It requires politicians of extraordinary temperament. That sort of experience can hardly be acquired without deep experience in political office. The Presidency is a place for men of politics. But by no means is it a place for every politician.”

I happen to agree with his analysis, which is why I opposed Herman Cain’s candidacy in 2012 and oppose Dr. Ben Carson’s today. Both men seem to be intelligent and decent fellows, and while I consider both qualities essential in a chief executive, I don’t see how that qualifies them to sit in the Oval Office. Heck, I’m intelligent and decent, and have devoted far more time to politics than either of them, and even I wouldn’t vote for me. Well, not unless I was the only thing standing between Hillary Clinton and a return trip to the White House.

In the same way, I tend not to support senators or congressmen. Their jobs don’t provide them with executive experience. What it does provide them with is a megaphone, so they are able to capture people’s attention.

For instance, I very much like Paul Ryan – but, except for his expertise when it comes to budgetary matters and a very pleasant personality, I have no idea how he would govern. I am also taken with Trey Gowdy and the way he cuts through the crapola when questioning the smarmy likes of IRS chief John Koskinen. But I can’t help feeling that the country might be better served if they either stayed where they are or were promoted to Cabinet positions as secretary of the treasury and attorney general, respectively.

Experience more of Burt Prelutsky’s humor and wit in his books — at WND’s Superstore.

Speaking of the IRS, I always thought I had a great way to lessen the annual pain of writing a check to the treasury. It would take advantage of people’s addiction to lotteries. Don’t you think that people would be somewhat more anxious to pay what they owe if the IRS instituted a lottery that would pay out a first prize of, say, a hundred times the amount you paid in? I would also have runner-up prizes that would return 75-1, 50-1, 25-1, 10-1 to a handful of lucky taxpayers, and perhaps a thousand additional payouts to those whose prize would be the return of their checks torn into several pieces.

Because the Senate Democrats who are up for re-election this November are understandably nervous, Obama has decided to hold off fines on those of us who haven’t signed up for Obamacare by extending exemptions for anyone who has recently been evicted or faced foreclosure; received a utility shut-off notice; experienced a death in the family; experienced fire, flood or other disaster; had their hometown baseball team eliminated from the playoffs; lost their cat; suffered a case of hiccups lasting more than 15 seconds; or misplaced their eyeglasses. OK, I made up a few of those, but I’ll leave it to you to figure out which ones.

Those of you who defend Putin’s takeover of Crimea and possible invasion of Ukraine simply because a lot of Ukrainians speak Russian should keep in mind that was Hitler’s rationale for invading Danzig and the Sudetenland and could serve to justify Mexico’s officially invading the American Southwest next week.

The obvious solution for those pigheaded Ukrainians who long to live under Putin’s KGB-bloodied thumb is to pack up their samovars and move to Russia.

While announcing a new day at the VA, Obama recently declared, “If you engage in an unethical practice, if you cover up a serious problem, you should be fired.” I then expected him to say, “That is why I have demanded that Lois Lerner return to Washington and answer every question Congress puts to her regarding the IRS’s unlawful targeting of tea party conservatives in 2012.” But, alas, I woke up before he had the chance.

In the musical “Finian’s Rainbow,” a bigoted U.S. senator is magically transformed into a black man. There are many times when I wish that those hypocrites who hate Israel, yet insist they’re not anti-Semites but simply oppose Israeli policies, would wake up as the sons and daughters of Abraham.

I can’t help suspecting that if the likes of Penelope Cruz, Vanessa Redgrave, Javier Bardem, Emma Thompson, Russell Brand, Stevie Wonder, Rosie O’Donnell, Selena Gomez and Danny Glover discovered they were Jewish, they wouldn’t be quite so quick to condemn Israel and to side with Islamic terrorists.

On the other hand, I am Jewish, but that doesn’t prevent me from being critical of Israel on occasion. For instance, I have no problem taking Israel to task for repeatedly going through the “peace process,” a long-running farce in which the Israelis are cast as fools whose role it is to sit across the table pretending to negotiate in good faith with people who have sworn to complete the job left half-finished by Hitler.

Media wishing to interview Burt Prelutsky, please contact [email protected].

Burt Prelutsky

Burt Prelutsky has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times, a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine and a freelance writer for TV Guide, Modern Maturity, the New York Times and Sports Illustrated. His latest book is entitled ""Barack Obama, You're Fired! (And Don't Bother Asking for a Recommendation)." Read more of Burt Prelutsky's articles here.


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