How you, too, can be a 'homegrown terrorist'

Perhaps it's age, or maybe it's just the age we live in. But I have to confess that the world makes less sense to me every day.

It may be a part of my problem is that I live in the "developed" world. We have "developed" far enough economically that fewer and fewer of us have to work each day. Social Security allows us to retire. And if we are younger, welfare means we don't have to take pesky, minimum-wage jobs our "education" has barely qualified us to hold.

All of that gives us much more time, which many of us use to think, read and watch daytime television. We do these things pretty much in the reverse order listed.

Still, I find myself puzzled:

• Western governments tell us that Islam is a religion of peace. But if you are a Christian or Jew in the Middle East, the 35,000 or so wild-eyed Islamists in ISIS who have burned down your church, murdered your family and driven you from your home country apparently were just not counted.
• If you live in America or the U.K., the biggest threat to your security is "homegrown terrorists." These are people like returning war veterans, white men with guns and adult females who don't post their moment-to-moment movements and internal mental conversations on Facebook, tweet them on Twitter, or begin a cathartic blog under psychiatric supervision.
• If you live in the U.K., you may achieve instant, homegrown terrorist status by simply voting for the UKIP party. You have the audacity to think that native white people have the same rights as immigrating Islamists plotting to blow up the government and openly enforcing Shariah law on everyone in "their" community. Or you could qualify if you fought in Iraq or Afghanistan. For the British, I should add.
• If you live in America, you can join the ranks of homegrown terrorists by voicing the opinion that the federal government has abandoned immigration laws and instead seems intent on filling the country with illegal immigrants, whom you will be taxed to pay benefits for, including tuition waivers for which your own children are ineligible. (This may entitle you to a dual membership; see next item.)
• If you're not a full-blown, homegrown terrorist, well perhaps you can join the ranks of the "haters" instead. These are the people who wonder why certain diseases evolved from being sexually transmitted into politically protected and paid for. Or why sex-change operations are the responsibility of the taxpaying public, why you are required to pay for abortions and contraceptives for other people's sex partners, and so on.
• You can also join the ranks of the "haters" if you think that roving gangs of black teens should be punished for beating white people, when the gangs were just having fun. If that doesn't gain you admission, try calling Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or Eric Holder and telling them they are gaseous windbags polluting the entire nation with their racial politics.
• Still an outcast? Don't despair! If you are not a homegrown terrorist or "hater," perhaps you can be labeled a "fundamentalist Christian." Entry into this category of up and coming social outcasts has a simple, proven path that has been in place for centuries. Simply voice your opinion that the Bible governs the practices of the Christian church, not the government.The results of such an outburst can vary from fatal, if voiced to an Islamist, right on down to simple social outcast if voiced to a member of the rapidly growing "Christian" churches that have tossed the Bible out the back door and kicked God off his throne, while they await new worship guidelines from the aforementioned reverends. Note that double or triple points are possible, if this church you sought social outcast status from went on to install a gay pastor, and triple points for a gay, female pastor.

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Plus, double extra points if you know what replaces God on the throne of the "new" Christian church: armageddonstory.com.

Media wishing to interview Craige McMillan, please contact [email protected].