A hen lays one egg and cackles an hour. A sturgeon lays 10,000 eggs and never lets out a peep. We call it “caviar.”

President Obama laid at least 10,000 eggs in his U.N. speech last week, but caviar it was not. They were all rotten.

At one point Obama reached probably the worst 60 seconds of his administration so far. He told the world, “In a summer marked by instability in the Middle East and Eastern Europe, I know the world took notice of the small American city of Ferguson, Missouri, where a young man was killed and a community was divided. So yes, we have our own racial and ethnic tensions.”

In other words, “The ISIS beheadings, Syrian civil war and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine were awful, but before you Americans start feeling morally superior, don’t forget a young black man was shot down by a white police officer in a tragedy that still defies clarity.”

It reminded me of the time I asked a woman with a problematic daughter how the young woman was getting along. “Well,” the mother replied. “This morning she told me, ‘Mother, I lost my job.’ But then, with her face brightening, she said, ‘But I wrote a poem!'” Bully, Lady! I guess that makes you even for the day!

It’s hard to confuse the consequences of lightning with those of the lightning bug. (Thanks, Mr. Twain!) But there are those who will do so, either out of stupidity or connivance if doing so advances an agenda.

I thought you were at least smart, Mr. President. That comment of yours before the U.N. was dumber than a barrelful of hair. It’s the kind of remark thug dictators make in an attempt to deodorize their oppression, brutality, torture, theft and murder by drawing a false comparison to the occasional failure of a democratic republic to protect all its citizens. It deliberately attempts to make low-information people ignore the difference between a state that fails to eliminate all evil and a regime that is itself the Evil.

This is the very first time the leader of a decent democratic nation has stood up before a gaggle of representatives including the worst villains on earth and sought to make the point, “Relax. America is no better than you are!”

I think I understand Obama’s thinking. He honestly believes hundreds of millions of people will say to one another, “Isn’t America a great nation, to be so great and yet pretend to be as bad as the rest of the world?”

It’s called “moral equivalence,” and it’s what’s causing the downfall of the once-great New York Times. The Times is absolutely even-handed; even-handed, that is, between the best (including America, Canada, Australia,Western Europe, New Zealand, Japan, Israel) and the worst (including Cuba, North Korea, Communist China, Iran, Hezbollah, Hamas and the oily sheikdoms).

It’s the job of a football referee to be even-handed between a team of moral saints and an opposing team of domestic abusers – not the job of an American president.

“Putin may invade Ukraine and ISIS may behead its way through the Mideast, but, just remember, America has its Ferguson, Missouri!” This is a direct personal insult to every American. Our leaders considers us too stupid to discern between a self-declared caliphate of beheaders like ISIS, a Russia that invades a neighbor, the Hamas government of Gaza that lobs rockets into Israel, and an America that does its level best to maintain decency for all.

I thought I was going to like Gorbachev when he let the Soviet Union collapse, until he insulted us the same way. After losing power in Moscow, Gorbachev chided America for “spending decades criticizing our Iron Curtain in Europe and now building its own Iron Curtain on its southern border.” Gorbachev knows good and well that our “Iron Curtain” is to keep out those who don’t belong here. His Iron Curtain was there to keep his Communist slaves in! Shame!

Gorbachev did, however, rekindle the classic story of pre-war Communism, when a lot of good Americans were willing to try Communism on for size. (It was a poor fit.) Around about 1935, a team of American journalists went to Moscow, and their Communist guide took them down to marvel at the wonders of the Moscow subway.

“Every day 14,000 proud Soviet workers clean every subway station in Moscow. Ours is the cleanest in the world. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that what you’re looking at now puts the subways of New York, London and Paris – the Capitalist West – to shame.”

“Where are the trains?” asked one of the American reporters. The Communist guide shot him a dirty look.

“Notice, please,” continued the guide, “all the gold, silver, copper and precious metals glorifying every single station. All our people may enjoy such opulence.”

“Where are the trains?” repeated the American reporter. This time he drew an even dirtier look.

“We recruited the most accomplished artists in our 16 Soviet Republics to make our subways the most aesthetically impressive in all the world.”

So where are the trains?” repeated the American reporter.

That did it! “What do you mean, ‘Where are the trains?'” snapped the Communist guide. “What about the Negroes in the South?”

Media wishing to interview Barry Farber, please contact [email protected].

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