True meaning and power of forgiveness

When I was perhaps 10 years old, I took my sister on a trip to downtown Cleveland to see a movie. We took the rapid transit. It is essentially a trolley car. It was snowing outside. As we approached the rapid stop, I could see the car coming. My sister was lagging behind.

"Hurry up," I yelled back at her.

But she couldn't run as fast as me.

So I grabbed her hand, and – without realizing it – I began dragging her toward the oncoming car. What I didn't realize was that she'd fallen down and that I was dragging her, over a gravel-covered patch of driveway.

When we got onto the car, I saw that my sister's legs were cut and bleeding and that there were pieces of gravel embedded in her legs. I began frantically picking them out.

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"Oh my God, sis, I'm sorry," I cried, pulling the pieces of stones from her legs. "Will you ever forgive me?

She didn't reply.

I never knew it until recently, but the truth is, my sister never did forgive me for pulling her through the gravel that day. In fact, during her entire life, that wound had festered, and – over the years – grown into a ball of anger that had presented itself in odd and unrelated ways.

Frankly, I don't think my sister even knew that she had been holding onto that anger, until we recently had a slam-bang, all-out fight (not a physical fight, but one of those really bitter brother-and sister arguments where both of us pulled out all the stops in trying to hurt the other).

Suddenly, it came out. "And you left permanent scars on my knees from that day you dragged me through the gravel," she cried, as our fight wound to a close.

I think we were both completely shocked when she said that. But it revealed anger and resentment can and will­ – if left unchecked – take root in us and grow into a lifelong ball of anger that, if it's not dealt with, spreads through us like a cancer.

Realizing this, some 50 years later, I found myself asking my sister to forgive me for dragging her through the gravel on that day, long ago in our childhood. She did, in fact, forgive me, and we both hugged each other and cried.

The wound could now begin to heal.

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I think all of us probably harbor untold pockets of anger and bitterness toward others that, if not treated by the medicine of forgiveness, can and will take its toll on us – perhaps throughout our entire lives.

Here is what the Bible has to say about forgiveness:

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" – Matthew 6:14-15.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" – 1 John 1:9.

"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence" – Isaiah 43:25-26

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord" – Acts 3:19.

"'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'" – Isaiah 1:18.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace" – Ephesians 1:7.

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" – Colossians 1:13-14.

There is no shortage of Bible verses that talk about the necessity of forgiveness. And we can, if we're not careful, find ourselves indulging in false forgiveness for sins long ago left unchecked.

I believe that if I had not realized how deep the anger and hurt I had left in my sister's heart (not just her injured, pitted legs), when I asked her to forgive me after our recent fight, my request for forgiveness would have been false – and as such, would not have touched my heart so both of us could heal. Both the injured as well as the injurer must swallow the medicine of forgiveness – which can sometimes be very bitter – and take it deep inside, where it can work on our hearts.

I suggested to my sister, because I knew deep down that this one incident wasn't the only one that we'd left unchecked through our lives, that we get together once a week and simply talk about and, hopefully uncover, and then let go of the hurts we'd caused one another over the years.

At first, she balked at the idea, saying she wasn't about to engage in any kind of "regular therapy" sessions with me. But after we discussed it over lunch at our favorite delicatessen, she agreed.

So, for last three weeks, every Thursday, we have been having a "forgiveness session." Sometimes they are incredibly painful. In fact, often, as old wounds are uncovered, they hurt like the devil.

But you know what? Both my sister and I are now experiencing a new closeness, one that had not been present between us for perhaps our entire lives.

The longer these age-old hurts have been allowed to fester, the deeper their roots are and the harder it is to expose and then subject them to the healing power that only the Lord can offer us.

But I can tell you this – and I tell you from an experiencing a new depth of love for my sister – God is working in both of our lives to bring to allow us to be healed of age-old hurts.

Why did God wait until now to begin this work? I have no answer to this question. And it doesn't matter. Many husbands and wives and siblings let bitterness and rancor fester throughout their entire lives. And we wonder why there are so many divorces and dysfunctional families.

There is only one medicine. And it is there – right now – to be taken, if only we will listen to God and let him cure wounds that would otherwise remain unhealed throughout our lives.

This is the mystery and magic of the Lord. Without Him, we would never know the true meaning and power of forgiveness. With Him, all things are possible.