Recently I came across an article titled “Baby limbo: Millennials struggle to find the right time for parenthood.” It detailed how many young couples find themselves so saddled in student loan (and other) debt that it literally paralyzes their financial position for decades to come – including during that critical window in life when they would otherwise be buying homes and starting families.
The article linked to the latest USDA estimates on the cost of raising children, projected (for middle-income families) to be $245,340 for a child born in 2013. The figures listed are for “food, housing, child care and education, and other child-rearing expenses up to age 18. Costs associated with pregnancy or expenses occurred after age 18, such as higher education, are not included.”
Despite regional adjustments (urban vs. rural, north vs. south, etc.), the USDA figures are daunting, to say the least. “For middle-income families,” the article says, “housing costs are the single largest expenditure on a child, averaging 30 percent of the total cost. Child care and education was the second largest expense at 18 percent, followed by food, which accounted for 16 percent of the total cost.”
By the way, this $245,340 is per child. That’s $13,630 per year, $1,136 per month. Are we supposed to double this for two kids? Triple it for three kids? Sheesh, it’s no wonder Millennials are putting off having children. After all, who can afford such a staggering price tag?
Fortunately these figures are not quite as grim as the numbers suggest. We’ve raised two kids for 19 years now, and I can assure you we never spent even a fraction of this amount of money. There are large families all around us raising children on extremely modest incomes. Parenting simply doesn’t have to be that expensive.
Even the USDA concedes, “Expenses per child decrease as a family has more children. Families with three or more children spend 22 percent less per child than families with two children. As families have more children, the children can share bedrooms, clothing and toys can be handed down to younger children, food can be purchased in larger and more economical quantities, and private schools or child care centers may offer sibling discounts.”
Ah, you mean families with more children are being (drum roll, please) frugal. What a novel concept. You mean you don’t have to buy a 3,000-square-foot home in an exclusive neighborhood near prime schools? You mean you don’t have to buy your children the latest whiz-bang electronic marvel? You mean you don’t have to pay for premium daycare and designer wardrobes?
Shocking as it may seem, lots of families get by without spending $13,630 per year per kid. Some people live in modest homes in modest neighborhoods. They drive older vehicles and homeschool. They use cloth diapers and share thrift-store clothing and toys and eat home-cooked meals. They’re frugal, in other words – even if their income is middle class.
And the children are better for it.
But many Millennials, already burdened by student loan debt, lose heart at the thought of having kids. It’s a shame these USDA figures get bandied about as gospel because they may serve to discourage responsible couples from having children (whereas irresponsible welfare queens have no such scruples).
What most people don’t realize or want to face is that the real cost of raising children isn’t (necessarily) monetary. Sure, it costs money to raise kids, but it costs a lot less than you think. But a lot of people – even Millennials – would rather pay money than pay the other costs.
You see, raising kids requires sacrifice. It means finding (and keeping) a spouse. Statistically speaking, the single biggest factor that allows people to climb out of poverty is to get married and stay married. This also works in reverse – divorced middle-class people are more likely to sink into poverty. Additionally, out-of-wedlock children have a huge correlation with poverty for both men and women.
So keeping your legs crossed or your wick zipped before marriage – and staying faithful and committed after marriage – is the first step toward raising children affordably. I know this is too high a cost for some people, but humor me.
Approaching marriage with the seriousness it deserves is another cost too many people ignore. People marry for the stupidest reasons, without the long view that this is the person they want to see across the breakfast table 50 years in the future. A strong marriage requires the “cost” of carefully selecting someone with compatible views on family, children, religion, money, life goals and other critical factors. These types of marriages usually aren’t cemented by a quickie wedding at the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas. (Though, to be fair, the parents of a friend got married in just this way and were happily together 57 years.)
Another cost may be the loss of career opportunities while one parent stays home to raise the children. If one parent stays home (and frankly, I don’t care which one), they don’t have to cough up tens of thousands of dollars for “high quality” daycare. No daycare can ever match the quality of a stay-at-home mom or dad.
There are yet more costs to raising kids. Consider the cost of truncated or abandoned careers. Consider the cost of untaken vacations (or funneling those vacation funds into payments for braces). Consider the cost of unpurchased new clothes, or the cost of uneaten restaurant meals or unbought big-screen TVs. There’s even the cost of hauling everyone out of bed and darkening the doors of a church on Sunday mornings instead of sleeping in.
In other words, cost often has nothing whatsoever to do with money. It has much more to do with time, energy, ambition and other sacrifices. And for that reason, the cost is often higher than many people want to pay.
Don’t be fooled by the USDA figures on how much it costs to raise kids. Their figures show only the cost, not the return. Endless millions of parents have raised wonderful godly children. My husband and I believe our daughters’ worth to their future husbands will be above rubies.
Put a value on that.
Media wishing to interview Patrice Lewis, please contact [email protected].
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