Marvel superheroes make a porno

In the Marvel family of superheroes, the character Deadpool is like the comical, drunk uncle: He's loud, lewd, funny, offensive and has absolutely no filter over his mouth whatsoever. Sometimes he's the life of the party, and sometimes he ruins the whole show. But still, he's strangely endearing, and you can't help wondering what he'll come up with next.

And if Marvel had decided to treat his movie that way, I would be raving today about a film that is clever, incredibly witty and hilarious (albeit with some serious warnings about language and violent content).

Instead, the makers of "Deadpool" took it one step further. Instead of depicting a character with a filthy mind and filthy mouth in a filthy business, they decided to show the audience the filth. And that's where the wheels fall off the bus.

What does the movie really gain from full frontal nudity, both male and female, stripper bars and extended sex scenes with nudity, thrusting, moaning and the depiction of anal sex?

Now, I'll admit … I didn't actually watch these scenes, but suddenly found the tiles on the movie theater ceiling very interesting.

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Yet I heard the dialogue … and it wasn't necessarily funny or interesting or critical to moving the plot forward. It was purely nudity and sex for the sake of erotic stimulation. We have a word for that in our culture … it's called "pornography."

Thankfully, Pee Wee Herman wasn't sitting next to me in the theater.

But there were children there. Yes, some very questionable parenting going on, but that's the subject of a different column. Or is it? Some states have laws against exposing children to pornography. Did these parents know they were potentially committing a crime by having their children there?

And does America know this is what they're in for with "Deadpool"? I saw the green-screen trailer (the one that is "approved for all audiences"), and it's just asking for a false-advertising lawsuit. Even the red-screen trailer (the one that is only shown at R-rated movies) didn't reveal the depth of depravity in "Deadpool."

Now, some will say the legal definition of pornography may be different from what I'm suggesting here. But even if it is, under what circumstances should a child be permitted entrance into this film?

An R-rating allows children to attend in the company of their parents. And many theaters look the other way when teenagers try to slip into an R-rated film. But an NC-17 rating won't allow children in, regardless of parental consent.

Someone please explain to me why "Deadpool" should be rated R instead of NC-17. No really. There's a comments section below. Explain to me why our culture should have darkened rooms where teens and children can come together to watch strip shows and anal sex.

Marvel has captured the affection and attention of young audiences worldwide with their superhero movies. I don't care what you say about caveat emptor and knowing Deadpool is R-rated stuff, kids are still going to want to, beg to, try to weasel their way into seeing this movie. Marvel should ashamed for luring children into their peep show.

Oh, and as for worldview, the moral of the story is, "You don’t have to actually be a hero if the girl loves you for the jerk you are."

Classy, Marvel. Real classy.

Content advisory:

• "Deadpool," inexplicably only rated R, contains roughly 140-150 obscenities and profanities.
• The movie is extremely violent and revels in the gore it creates, including heads blowing open with squishy sounds, decapitated heads getting kicked around, stabbing, shooting, hand-to-hand combat, high speed chases, torture and more.
• As described above, the movie contain an extreme amount of sexuality, including dozens of lewd comments and gestures, sexual references, full nudity, front and rear, a scene in a strip club and an extended montage of two characters having sex in various positions, including anal sex.
• The movie contains only a few casual religious references, including a line about the wise-cracking Deadpool being "God's perfect idiot," a mention of finding someone "in the next life," the joke line, "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret," and a drawing of a busty pin-up girl in a bikini and a nun's habit.