In defense of right-wing hysteria

This hurts.

An individual by himself can often feel and identify the 800-pound gorilla suddenly at his side. And a roomful of people can feel the presence of that gorilla simultaneously. I have the feeling the entire American population is undergoing that flesh-creepy feeling all together right now as awareness dawns, agonizingly and totally, that much of what we always thought and proudly upheld as noble American values are nothing more than a slogan-drunk, zombified national mob fighting to make sure we get on the Suckers' List before they close the books.

Donald Trump gets some of the credit, far from all. Can't you feel the hot breath of that gorilla when Trump talks about how the whole world is laughing uproariously at America because of the stark stupidity of our brainless trade deals – how China is beating us out of $500 billion every year and Mexico by about 50 billion – and the rollicking roll call continues amid much laughter and applause? That's one Trumpism I've never heard challenged. That accusation – that our politicians and "leaders" are, to be kind about it, less than tough, brilliant negotiators. Who will stand up and deny we should have had all of our Americans held unjustly by Iran back with their loving families before negotiations could even begin? I want to hear how you phrase it!

This particular gorilla is here to let us know we've been bragging about that which rightfully should have brought us shame. Instances abound! We've been proud of trusting the untrustworthy, rogues and crooks. Do you know what a "visa-overstay" is? No, we don't bang on doors in the middle of the night and drag foreigners off to prison (or onto a bus headed back across the border) for overstaying their allotted visiting time. And what's worse, our brains, marinated in the vile juices of political correctness, can no longer tell the difference between countries that do enforce their laws and Nazis! UPS and Fedex could tell you – while you held your breath! – where a gone-astray package of software is languishing on Planet Earth. But America is helpless to divest itself of those who've overstayed their visas. And yet many among us ridicule the "businesslike" approach Mr. Trump exemplifies. That anti-business smirk left my face a long time ago. We should salute the achievements of our Great American Business!

American bureaucrats, take heart, your Norwegian cousins forced a taxpayer-financed study on why prisoners don't like to go to jail!

TRENDING: Capitol authorities on high alert Thursday over 'real inauguration' threat

Congratulations to Rush Limbaugh for making a big deal on his big-deal radio show about how Secretary of State John Kerry replied to a congressional hearing panel that questioned him about a terrorist biggie released from Gitmo who popped up recruiting for al-Qaida in the Middle East. Kerry famously replied, "He wasn't supposed to do that!" As columnist Pete Hamill used to say, "Beautiful!" That dude promised he'd terrorize no more, didn't he? And if that's wrong, we have a few more questions.

Trusting the untrustworthy is bad enough. The original pain is intensified when those who promptly and proudly puff out their tummies and put their thumbs through their suspenders trumpet how proud they are at how totally they own the moral high ground. "He wasn't supposed to do that!" You who've been enslaved by liberalism forever, please try to understand our "right-wing hysteria." We're not so bad when you get to know us. We just automatically find ourselves contrasting lines like, "He wasn't supposed to do that!" with "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Meanwhile, the dreary dirge of trusting the untrustworthy grinds on and on. It seems like, until day before yesterday (and possibly from tomorrow onward!), judges were giving those caught trying to sneak into America dates to appear in court. And when they didn't show, as almost 100 percent did not, their papers were stamped "unenforceable"! And American life went on, just a little lower and lower each time. Donald Trump told a riveting saga about calling on the ones who run the U.N. (not the USA bureaucracy, but worse!) and were interested in finding contractors who would do the best job at the best price. Trump gave them a scintillating sales talk as to how his company could provide the best quality work – marble instead of cheap flooring, no interruption or need for anybody to move temporarily because his crews would do three floors at a time – and that he'd save them a billion (Make sure that's a "B"!) dollars. Donald never heard back from them.

Down in North Carolina we have a downscale version of that anti-bureaucrat jape. It seems a federal bureaucrat found it among his duties to provide bait and all the accoutrements for a fishing expedition. He went to the pier and the bait cart operator invited him to look over his worm-bait inventory. This faithful guardian of American taxpayer revenue asked the cart man how much his worm-bait cost. "All you want for a dollar," he was told.

The bureaucrat lapsed into what looked like prayer and deep meditation. Finally he said, "Good. I'll take two dollars worth!"

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