Trojan pony of tomorrow: a “gift” in the making
And what, pray are our enemies of today planning to gift the United States and her allies with tomorrow – an indoctrinated, single-minded no frills pony that is expected to grow up and grow up quickly. To that end, Iran has just opened up a Jihad theme park for kids.
Review the sobering clip below and understand that it is no gift whatsoever, during Christmastime or otherwise, to aid our countrymen in continuing the blind quest to ignore reality.
Pony-Up-Daddy? This means you!
Still searching for that just-right Christmas surprise for the overly entitled little one in your life? Something unique, yet still traditional; something personal; a gift that will keep on giving; a teaching toy perhaps; one that will forever fix the tone of how you and said tot – one who, like many in our advanced society, never really grows up despite the outside packaging that appears to be 18, 21, 30 even 40 years old – will understand one another for generations to come? Well, look no further.
Pony-Up Daddy is ready and waiting to be shipped to you! Do not be put off by the overt sexism of the product name; this kind of branding is feminist approved. Why? Because daddies today are meant to be ridden. It is best to cement this early into the minds and memories of children. Daddies are intended to carry the burden, but not – I repeat, not – be allowed to roam where they will, but to be prodded and ridden at the behest of whoever hops on board and has the tenacity to not be bucked off. (Spurs not provided. Sorry.)
To be fair, mothers (or female caregivers) can also be strapped into this plush-but-handy device. Far be it for the manufacturers to exclude women from fulfilling the role of providing for others while being summarily controlled by affection, guilt, or a self-esteem built on the premise of once-a-parent-forever-a-door-mat. The same philosophy goes for those who venture forth to obtain an actual job and be subject to taxes. So this toy, for all you collectors out there, is sure to be an early childhood development classic. You may want to stock up.
“These days kids are so spoiled,” reads one review. “In my day I had to ride bareback.”
But what the cited reviewer doesn’t seem to understand is that times change. Today’s daddy (feel free to insert mommy, caregiver, grandparent, whoever provides bread and board) is tired of feeling guilty, so he’ll just keep letting them ride until the cows come home!
The fun part is, they never do!
My Little Brony
Unsure what to get that young (or old) adult male in your life? Don’t fret; be bold. If you venture beyond the (ahem) oppressive stereotypes that too often leads consumers, men especially, to assume that pastel pink aisle at the store is for girls, you might be surprised. Try putting Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, or Rainbow Dash – from the friendly stable of the My Little Pony toy and cartoon franchise – beneath the tree, disguised perhaps in a more subdued “manly” packaging, and get ready for the “squeee” (that is, outbursts of glee).
Men, or should I say “fans” outside the target demographic of little girls, love ponies. At least that’s what “What is a Brony?” reports:
A brony is a fan of “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” that is outside the target demographic of little girls. Most bronies are friendly teenagers and young adults that simply aren’t afraid to admit that they enjoy a show which is innocent, colorful, and funny.
The latest rendition of My Little Pony is much different than the previous generations most people associate the title with. This show has a fresh, modern look, and tells fun stories that people of all ages can enjoy. Not to mention the show is amazingly well-made and showcases a massive amount of talent ranging from voice artists, to writers, to music composers, and much more.
Truth is, however, the supposed surge of broneydom was the result of one online community becoming overwhelmingly disgusted with pony spam. According to “What is a Brony?“:
Many users of 4Chan, a popular image board, latched onto the show. Users began to post thread after thread of endless pictures of ponies. At one point, pictures of ponies were even banned from the site due to abuse, and a large number of users rose up against the show expressing hatred toward those who even mention something pony related. To this day, there are still many who think poorly of bronies. This is likely due to the fact that some bronies end up spamming pony related images and references where they are not wanted.
It was likely the “anti-pony” movement that made bronies what they are today. The more something is opposed, the higher the supporters must rise up, and rise up they did.
So, you get that? Guys apparently love ponies. They love them. The quality programming, the illustrations, etc. are the real draw. Do not oppose them! To do so gives rise to more pony love. Even though the logic that states, “many childrens’ cartoons are nothing more than marketing ploys to get children to buy more toys with no actual redeeming qualities,” is stated for all to read on the same website, it is vaulted over on the back of a fictional cartoon. A restyled Pegasus perhaps.
Who would leave a pony country?
Hmmm. What to give that beloved family member or friend considering moving away, far away? How about a copy of Seinfeld’s pony episode? Remember, the one where Jerry’s nana recalls her beloved pony back in Poland?
Once the pony fetish is unleashed for all, little girls and the men they ride, well, nobody will want to leave the United States … evah. Don’t believe me? Watch this old clip from Seinfeld where Jerry gets schooled.
While Jerry’s fictional nana did, in fact, leave Poland to come to the United States (likely due to her oppressive parents), it is obvious that the impact of a pony lasts forever.
So, the perfect gift for that person in your life who has difficulty accepting Bronies and Pony-up-Daddy may be a gift set of Seinfeld, if only to reinforce the fear that resisting the pony culture could lead to Nana’s passing.
The gift of silencing – a holiday favorite.