5 rules governing male-female relations

By Burt Prelutsky

After the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals foolishly ruled that a judge in Washington had the authority to overrule President Trump when it came to banning immigration from seven flashpoints of Islamic terrorism, those on the left rushed to praise the decision. In time, it’s likely to bite them in the rump.

As everyone but those who are still mourning Hillary Clinton’s defeat are aware, the 9th Circuit is overruled so often by the Supreme Court that even bookies don’t like the odds. So how will those on the left react when a Supreme Court, even one that is equally divided between conservatives and liberals, once again reverses the clowns? Will they continue to trumpet their undying faith in judicial wisdom?

The problem for liberals isn’t that they are always wrong, but that they lack the imagination to conceive of a future in which they’re not in absolute control. So, for instance, when they decided to lock Republicans out of the planning stages of Obamacare and to enact it without a single Republican vote, they lacked the foresight to see a day when the opposition would treat them in similar fashion.

Again, in 2013, when Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid decided to reverse tradition by making it possible for Democrats to seat federal judges with just 51 votes instead of the usual 60, it never occurred to mental midgets like Chuck Schumer, Dick Durbin and Patrick Leahy that the day would come a very short time later when the Republicans would not only be able, but, moreover, be morally justified to treat them with equal contempt.

What I find truly bizarre is that the Democrats are in such absolute lockstep that not a single senator can even bring himself to acknowledge that it is the 9th Circuit that is clearly outside the so-called mainstream of judicial thinking. I mean, if I were a Democratic senator, I would feel compelled to say that although I was grateful that the 9th Circuit agreed with me in principle, I admit they clearly hadn’t based their conclusion on an objective reading of the Constitution’s separation of powers.

Another thing that confounds me about Democrats is the way they lie about their personal histories. I mean, if you’re a hardware salesman from Topeka, I can see where you might wish to exaggerate your military exploits, figuring that your friends and relatives would have no reason to question your veracity or delve into your actual record. But when John Kerry not only lied about his activities in Vietnam, but then lied about tossing his medals over the fence at the Pentagon, did he really believe that once he decided to pursue a career in politics, including a run for the presidency, that the truth wouldn’t leak out?

Or take the case of Sen. Richard Blumenthal, who claimed to have served as a Marine in Vietnam. It’s true that he was in the Marine Reserves, but the only service he saw was in Washington, D.C., and his home state of Connecticut. While I have no reason to doubt that had the North Vietnamese invaded our east coast, Sgt. Blumenthal would have served honorably, the truth is he lied. The fact he has been elected and re-elected to the U.S. Senate proves that the voters of Connecticut remain grateful for whatever small role he may have played in preventing the enemy from invading their country clubs.

They are also willing to overlook the fact that although, like every other Democrat in Congress, he remains in a state of constant outrage over the evil known as income inequality, he hasn’t yet convinced himself to share any portion of his $53 million fortune with the oppressed and constantly aggrieved.

Whenever I see Juan Williams on a Fox News panel, I know that the camera will pan to him any time a conservative is voicing an opinion. And Juan can nearly always be counted on to react by rolling his eyes and shaking his head in mock disbelief. I suppose that is Fox’s idea of being fair and balanced. But it recently occurred to me that his role parallels that of the black character actor Mantan Moreland, who portrayed chauffeur Birmingham Brown in the old “Charlie Chan” movies.

Mr. Moreland, the master of the double-take, was always being called upon to shake his legs and roll his eyes whenever he heard a scary noise or saw what he assumed was a ghost. At such times, he would usually look down and, with his teeth chattering, say: “Feets, do your stuff.”

Alas, Mr. Williams has never yet said anything that sensible.

In addition to never admitting that illegal aliens are a drain on our resources, including our schools, our social services and our medical facilities, liberals won’t even acknowledge that these ingrates feel entitled to have the American taxpayer pick up the tab for their public defenders when they commit felonies targeting the very people who are being bled dry on their behalf.

Experience more of Burt Prelutsky’s humor and wit in his books — at WND’s Superstore.

In response to a piece I wrote recently, questioning just how great the so-called Greatest Generation was, a man, whose father had enlisted in the Navy months before Pearl Harbor and served nearly four years in combat, pointed out that even during World War II, most of those in the military waited to be drafted. I wrote back to say that even if they hadn’t enlisted, I considered those men honest-to-God heroes, so long as they did their part to defend America when called upon to do so.

I added that I was reminded that a while back, I wrote about black men, the majority of whom do not marry the mothers of their offspring and play no paternal role in the lives of their offspring – and who, by the way, resent being called “boys,” but refuse to behave like men. I wrote that, in addition to cheating their children, they had short-changed themselves by depriving themselves of the opportunity to ever be someone’s hero.

Another reader pointed out how lacking in modesty most liberals are, whether they’re mouthing off in Hollywood or Washington, D.C., spouting obscenities at the Women’s March or mocking their intellectual and moral superiors on “Saturday Night Live.”

I replied that it was particularly galling when the knuckleheads have so very much to be modest about.

Although I am happily married to the incredible Yvonne, I have been married in the past with far less happy results, so I understood the points raised by someone who sent me five rules governing male behavior toward the allegedly weaker sex:

1. Never make a woman mad. They can remember stuff that hasn’t even happened yet.

2. Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

3. Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women, and they tend to hate each other.

4. Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License contract. In the end, you have no option but to ignore everything and click “I agree.”

5. Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that this conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.

And will, I would add, be rebroadcast at a much later date for what will be purported to be your own good.

Media wishing to interview Burt Prelutsky, please contact [email protected].

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