It’s another one of those holidays that retail loves – a day saturated with guilt so shoppers spend all kinds of money on flowers, candy, fruit, tchotchkes, perfume, jewelry, clothing, maybe a car and, sometimes, even trips.
All for that one person in our lives that we’re told is the object of the holiday: Mom. Ma. Mommy. Mum. Maw. Mummy. And in some cases, “Hey you!”
It’s interesting to see how Mom is treated in media and how that’s changed over time.
Certainly the role of Mom in families has changed, dramatically so, since World War II. Prior to that, while there’s no doubt women “worked,” both in the home and in family businesses, her efforts were just taken for granted as part of life. Her efforts were not considered anything special.
Mother was the center of the family. Hers was the hand that rocked the cradle. In those days, there were many cradles as families tended to be large, but many of those children died young, mainly the result of contagious diseases.
The role of the woman – Mom – was critical in the survival of the family: giving birth and raising children, maintaining the household and working with her husband in maintaining the business that earned money for the family.
As time passed, women began to gain more rights – the right to vote, the right to her own credit, varied rights for conducting business, more access to education at secondary and college levels, even, ultimately the right to drive!
It’s hard for women today to realize what a big deal things like that were. In essence, those “rights” gave women permission to move into the larger world beyond the home. It was a challenge, and she loved it.
A real impetus came with World War II. As thousands of men went to the military and then were shipped overseas to fight for our freedom, the women left at home were needed to work in industry.
Women moved out of the home and worked in the war effort – in the military and in factories. “Rosie the Riveter” was not imaginary; she was real. “Rosie” represented the thousands of women who worked in factories and on assembly lines in jobs that before that had been filled by men.
By the end of the war, there was no turning back. Women had proven themselves, and they were in the workforce to stay.
Something else changed after the war. Marriages were not as stable. Previously, there was little divorce because there was really no future for women alone, especially women with children.
After the war, women began to assert themselves. Having a means to support themselves led to the real possibility that life after divorce was not an impossible dream. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was possible.
Something else happened. Women began attending college and graduate school. They earned professional degrees and became doctors and lawyers and scientists and business executives. For many women, it meant not just “working,” but being the family breadwinner.
Women’s rights groups stimulated changes in law that guaranteed equal wages and protected against sex discrimination.
And then there was birth control and abortion. They became legal and easily obtained and created a major change in relations between men and woman and in families – a major effect being that families became smaller and often the choice was to remain childless.
And here we are. Women can marry and divorce. They can have babies when and how they want, with or without a husband, and, in fact, give up their rights to their children if they so desire – or abort them on demand.
There’s also been an interesting change in the roles of men and women in marriages or living-together situations. More and more women are, in fact, becoming the breadwinners of the family and the men are staying home.
Sometimes the men are doing child care, but more and more often, “staying home” means letting the “little woman” earn the money to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table while Daddy plays the role of “Mommy.”
While this isn’t a major pattern for families, it’s a growing trend.
One aspect of this that hasn’t been evaluated yet is the effect on children. How does the absence of female mothering affect a child as he or she grows from infancy, through childhood to adolescence?
It’s a giant experiment that, if negative, will have lasting and detrimental effects on society. But being of the mindset we are, most people aren’t looking that far ahead.
We are, after all, the “me” generation.
So with all the societal changes, the one thing that has remained is the annual celebration of “Mother’s Day.” It’s treated in media just as it always has been – remember Mom in the old sentimental way. And perhaps, under it all, Mom is still as influential as she always has been.
In the 1800s, William Ross Wallace wrote a poem whose words live on today and perhaps hold the key to the real influence of Mom, regardless of the kind of woman she might be:
“The Hand That Rocks the Cradle is the Hand That Rules the World.”
He got it right! Things haven’t changed. Under it all, Mom is always in charge!
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