I’m sorry, folks. Fake news I could have endured, but the bizarre did me in before I found any real news. Maybe it’s because today I started with one article at American Thinker and the other at CNN.
No writer likes to be outdone. While the American Thinker author touched upon the truth, and the CNN writer stumbled over it but quickly recovered her step, I can connect all three events in both stories for you. Thus my full headline: Chihuahua chases CNN down demonic rabbit hole during fake news story on hookers for health care.
In American Thinker, a woman in Florida is awaiting trial on animal cruelty charges. Police exhumed her chihuahua’s body from her backyard and conducted an autopsy, verifying her story that she strangled it after it bit her.
The chihuahua was just a setup, however, for the demon-possessed rabbit a coworker gave to the author, because the rabbit was trying to kill him after his wife left, and sooner or later it would succeed. (The rabbit lived for many more years, but no mention about the coworker’s life-span.)
Now, enter CNN, which sent an investigative team to a Nevada hooker ranch to learn why even legal hookers need real health care. They found a group of a hundred and conducted a thorough investigation. Their finding was summarized in the last sentence:
“I love that they’re involved,” he said. “These girls are smart, they will be running our country, and they vote.”
What this article really illustrates is that in the end, mouse-clicks are going to be the death of our culture (insomuch as we still have one) and our freedom. The more bizarre the title, the more mouse-clicks likely to be garnered, and the higher the article will be ranked by the Web’s silicon thought processes.
Our best hope at this point is that CNN’s hookers will disappear down the same demonic rabbit hole with the chihuahua and the police department that exhumed him. I mean, really, would the police even have shown up in her yard had she claimed to have strangled a Republican congressman and buried him there?
Still, the seriously fake news award must go to CNN. Any news agency that doesn’t understand our country is already and has for a long time been run by prostitutes is, well, disseminating seriously, seriously, fake news. I only hope the rabbit is able to stop them before we come out the other end of this one.
Coming soon: Armageddon Eclipse Edition
Media wishing to interview Craige McMillan, please contact [email protected].
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