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More goopy glop from Gwyneth Paltrow

Too-cute Gwyneth Paltrow repelling vampires

Paltrow pushes back – with more stupidity

Smart women deserve smart choices, and persistent Gwyneth Paltrow is not about to let mounting. lawsuits stop her from living life her way … and absolutely not in prostituting name recognition while there is still a buck to be made.

Shaming is out for sluts as well as shills. And pushing chic chicanery is a vocation!

Everyone knows a woman’s health and well-being revolves around her feelings. Since being sued doesn’t feel good – losing money hurts – Paltrow’s jade egg vaginal inserts are out. Her brick-and-mortar retail store, the Goop Lab (nestled securely in L.A.’s upscale Brentwood neighborhood), doesn’t carry a single one of the potential toxic shock inducers. (Spendy inserts are too “last season” anyway. Besides, they all sold out.)

Sex Dust – a new blend of an old con

Sex dust, however – a concoction purported to ignite sexual energy, inside and outside the bedroom – is definitely in. And Paltrow wants this incredible edible inside you!

Feeling sexy “feels” good, after all.

Positive energy is also a plus. But what about the threat of vampire attacks? Psychic vampires, that is – those negative people who drain your precious energy. (Much like Paltrow drains one’s pocketbook. But who cares about money when one’s personal safety is at risk?) Just a magical spritz of Paltrow’s Psychic Vampire Repellent and a woman can rest assured she will be protected from everything – everything except her own stupidity.

Psychic vampire repellent (remember to spritz generously for maximum protection)

According to Goop, fans of the crock elixir “spray generously around their heads to safeguard their auras.”

An aura translates to feelings and/or the “vibe” one exudes. No one need ever deal with their real emotions ever again! At only $28 for 3.4 ounces, Psychic Vampire Repellent is the smart person’s choice. (And for the record, it’s sold out.)

“Lilli Lee (a Paltrow groupie) was in the living room area (of the ‘lab’) with her friends flicking through a clothes rack and lingered over a pair of lime-green trousers,” the Guardian reported, where she examined the price tag. “Three hundred dollars. Oh, am I in trouble?”

No kidding. There’s one born every minute. A fool and his money are soon parted. So, let the games begin (or continue, as the case may be).

But a brick-and-mortar store is just one aspect of this social experiment that examines just how stupid people – specifically, bored women – can be.

The Guardian further reveals, “Gwyneth is eyeing an expansion into TV. ‘What we are thinking of doing,’ she tells the Hollywood Reporter, ‘is a TV show with the working title The Radical Wellness Show.'”

This would allow Gwyneth do what she calls “going into the field” and talking to doctors and scientists. Presumably some are real, but some may be the sort of “doctors” who pop up on Goop to tell you to cleanse your body in goat’s milk to ward off parasites.

The example given by Gwyneth is “people in the crisis in Flint, Michigan, where there is something to uncover and confront about wellness.” What are the specifics of this crisis in Flint, Michigan? Who knows? Details weren’t provided. Goop doesn’t deal in non-essentials, remember. But then who really cares?

Gwyneth Paltrow is on a mission. Her mission. And when feelings are at stake and there’s money to be made, facts mean absolutely nothing.

The Smarttress: Getting couples to admit they have some serious problems

Creepy spying

Forget a private eye. The “Smart Marttress” will tell you if your partner is cheating.

Lipstick on the collar have you feeling suspicious? Or maybe it’s a sudden crash diet and being billed for lingerie purchases – items you have never seen? Whatever may have you fearing that your partner is cheating, help is on the way. Forget a private eye. The “Smart Marttress” will tell you if your partner is cheating.

That’s right – a smart mattress. Using technology similar to the bra alarm WND introduced you to back in August, this new mattress tracks the pressure levels of anyone sitting, standing, or doing what they shouldn’t be doing on your bed.

According to the Telegraph, “With surveys suggesting that Spaniards are among the most unfaithful lovers in the world, company spokesman José Antonio Muiño said, ‘the Smarttress had a public service to fulfill.’ … Seeing the latest research on infidelity in Spain and considering that 94 per cent of Spaniards’ preferred place for love-making was in their own home, we thought we could give peace of mind to men and women, not only at night, but also during the day when they have to go out to work.”

(The commercial demonstrating the “lover detection system” is being left out of this column. Intentionally.)

The saying “get a room” takes on a whole new meaning here. Even dogs know better than to defile the place where they sleep. So instead of just leaving a partner you cannot trust, buy a tattletale mattress. It’s even worse than a prenup. One can only imagine the discussion that would follow the delivery of a brand new Smarttress!

But hey, “If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be,” is the slogan being used by the bed maker Durmet.

Not all that comforting, when you think about it.

(Cough) ‘Spiritual’ parenting?

Smart parenting means conscientious “spiritual” parenting (sarcasm alert)

J.P. Sears, hilarious life coach, tells it like it is, again, in his latest illuminating and holistically resonating smart video about smart, über-conscious parents and their highly attuned, spiritual spawn.

Smart backpedal? Or more spin?

The Hill reports: “NBC’s Megyn Kelly said in an interview that ‘there are so many reporters who are completely biased against Trump, it’s absurd,’ but also said that Trump ‘[targets] them.’ … ‘It’s not the way it used to be, being a journalist today,’ said Kelly, who jumped from Fox News to NBC in January after 13 years at the cable news network. ‘He [President Trump] is effectively, and not just him, but his most ardent supporters, have made us players on the field instead of on the sidelines where we belong,’ she continued.”

Megyn Kelly

Megyn may want to make nice with President Trump now that she’s tanked in ratings on NBC. Megyn may want to forget she was one reporter who was completely biased against Donald Trump, as evidenced by her final year at Fox News. (Who can forget the Michelle Fields sympathy bandwagon? The same that resulted in the call by female media members for Trump to fire his campaign manager for “inexcusable” behavior?) And Megyn may want to appease the left now that she has switched teams.

But Ellen DeGeneres – premier LGBTQ poster girl, talk show host, and former Cover Girl makeup model – doesn’t look like she’s buying Megyn’s new schtick. Take a peek at the video below in which Megyn says we need to listen to Trump’s “better angels”:

The used-to-be of Megyn Kelly’s popularity has run its course, however. Kelly is now under attack by the left, after referring to homosexuality as “That gay thing!” One can’t help but wonder if she’ll blame others for pulling her into the news.

But maybe we should all keep an open mind and root for Megyn to listen to her better angels.