What's worse about Al Franken than the groping

The motive of this column is to inflict maximum non-violent damage to the political career of Sen. Al Franken. If you find such candor disconcerting, bear in mind we live in a democratic constitutional republic. Thus, our leaders are chosen by free elections following unbridled debate regarding their virtues and infirmities.

I ask that you not sanction me for my confessed bias. I ask that you read below the reason for my bias and judge me accordingly.

This denunciation of Sen. Franken has nothing to do with sexual behavior of any kind. I'm not saying that what you will discover in this exploration of Franken's character is as disturbing as knife-point rape. I am saying this jamble of hands-and-glands who became a senator is the single most unappetizing item on America's political menu.

I have been in Al Franken's presence only twice. On both occasions, security (or at least those in charge of the proceedings) had to be summoned to restore normality.

I treasure the memory of my dear friend Alan Colmes, who was taken from us much too early within the past year. Alan was also my professional colleague, business partner and adversary on a radio show we did called, "Left versus Right." Alan was as liberal as I am conservative. Unlike the air across our political pasture today, that "conflict" never came close to causing a problem.

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The success of that radio show propelled Alan upward into Fox News' famous "Hannity and Colmes," a well-watched collision of convictions nightly on Fox News Channel.

Alan was a liberal, but apparently not the right kind for the tastes of Al Franken. Alan wasn't mean enough. He was too nice, too reminiscent of the day when liberals and conservatives got along. In a book Franken wrote at the time, he announced how he would punish Alan for his "weakness." Every mention of Alan's name would be in lower-case letters. That'll teach him, right? That sick sophomoric stunt set the mood for me.

Once, as I was visiting Alan and Sean after their show, Franken, their guest, accused Rush Limbaugh of insulting the Clintons. Hannity said he had done no such thing. The conflict escalated quantumly until Hannity and Colmes were begging Franken to "Just forget it, and thanks for coming." Franken started raising his voice to the level European statesmen used when debating whether Serbia should also own Vojvodina and Kosovo. Sean had to call in security before calm returned.

A political career built on fraud: Read the definitive compilation of Sen. Franken's boldest prevaricating in "Pants on Fire: How Al Franken Lies, Smears, and Deceives"

Onward now to the scary stuff. The one star in the talk-broadcast firmament who inhabits those chambers closest to sainthood is Mike Harrison, founder and CEO of Talkers Magazine. Mike Harrison is the only one of us who could say "I'm not a liberal. I'm not a conservative. I'm just a talk radio guy!"and not get laughed out of the room. I think the truth is, Mike is as opinionated as any one of us, but never allows his opinion to afflict the always 100 percent impeccable quality of his behavior. Mike decided to award Talkers' prestigious "Freedom of Speech" award to Al Franken. But Franken had a fundraiser in Minnesota that prevented his appearing at the Talkers prestigious "New Media Convention." The only alternative was for him to accept his award at the Talkers cocktail party, which everyone, except Franken, thought would be a recipe for disaster. He brazenly and blazingly importuned Mike to let him accept the award at the cocktail party.

Mike hated to hear his own words, but he told Franken he could accept the award, but must limit his remarks to six minutes, eight max, to avoid sabotaging the convention. Mike knew Franken well enough to extract his promise beyond the possibility of plausible denial. Franken readily agreed.

At the cocktail party, Mike Harrison did his part. He called the party "to order" and copiously bragged about the free speech virtues of our Talkers awardee, Al Franken. Mike and the rest of us there were about to learn what "free speech" really was!

As the allotted deadline was breached, it was clear Franken hadn't even warmed up. As the deadline entered the zone of ludicrosity – 10, 11 minutes, the inevitable restless coughing and even members walking out – a desperate Mike Harrison whispered from the wings, "Al, wrap it up! Please wrap it up!"

"I can't wrap it up," said Franken, and not in a whisper. "There's too much to tell. In our recent USO trip we met the people of Afghanistan. You all should have been there. The soldiers, the people! Oh, God, those pitiful people. …" At that stage Franken started crying, ostensibly for "the people of Afghanistan."

Harrison later learned Franken lapsed into tears at that same point in other speeches.

The Harrison-Franken war erupted way beyond the volume of the TV golf announcers. Harrison politely announced the award ceremony was concluded. G. Gordon Liddy yelled, "Let him speak!" Franken was yelling, "Let everybody vote on whether or not they want me to continue!" Franken then yelled to Harrison, "Isn't this a Freedom of Speech award? "Yes," replied the still cool Harrison, "but it doesn't include the freedom to destroy our cocktail party!"

If Alan Colmes deserves only lower-case letters, his judge, Al Franken deserves only microchip encryption as perfected during World War II.

As this embittering ritual ended, Harrison calmly said to Franken, "Why did you do this to me? You promised to keep it to six to eight minutes." "I made no such promise," snorted Franken. "You're throwing me out in the middle of my award acceptance."

I felt I should tell this story on my radio show, but I thought maybe my feelings about Franken were personal and I didn't want to join the anti-Franken movement at that point. What radicalized me was an anchorman's comment on Friday, Nov. 17, informing us of a movement within the Democratic Party to put Franken forth as a dark horse candidate for President in 2020!

That did it! I called Mike Harrison immediately and he agreed to go public with some of the non-erotic infractions of Sen. Franken.

Despite the voluminous evidence that Franken is more likely to get ejected from the Senate than move into the White House, I wanted a drive a stake through the heart of Franken's presidential ambitions carved out of authentic Hungarian oak!

The Little Dutch Boy saved Holland with his finger plugging the dike. Churchill did it for England with the English language. My tools to save the republic are a good memory and Mike Harrison's phone number.