Think your closet is cluttered? Read on

Bonkers Closets – you said it!

If your closet is a cluttered mess, absolutely do not read further. Bonkers Closets, a new show by Insider, has just featured the master storage space owned by Singapore socialite Jamie Chua. Guaranteed to blow your mind. The ex-wife of Nurdian Cuaca, an Indonesian investment mogul worth untold billions – untold because he hid myriad assets, according to Chua during divorce proceedings – demanded $450,000 a month in spousal/child support.

One must be enable to continue the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed, right?

Absolutely! Under investigation by Interpol as a result of his now ex-wife's intimate allegations, Cuaca settled with the Chinese bride he snagged off Singapore Airlines stewardess staff and now supplies $332,000 per month to maintain the lifestyle of Chua and the two children – Cleveland, a boy, Calista, a girl – they share. Ouch. But high rollers gotta pay, one way or another.

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And that kind of cash can purchase some pretty radical closet consultation.

Check. It. Out.

"Chua's walk-in wardrobe is home to more than 200 Hermès bags, 300 pairs of designer shoes and a chest of drawers chock-full of diamond-encrusted jewelry," as the UK's Independent tells it.

The apartment-sized space was designed by Chua herself to house her clothes and accessories like pieces of art. Why not? The woman has money to burn but seems intent on memorializing her divorce settlement take-down by way of a living museum of ongoing indulgence. A thumb-print locking device ensures nobody sneaks in without Chua – or her thumb – being ever-present. (Makes for some pretty creepy theft scenarios should anyone want to crack into that designer tomb.)

Meanwhile, regular folks are living in the real world, dealing with the shocker that life is expensive – and not because they're hankering after diamond chokers and custom leather handbags. Clothes … well, they are not that important but necessary when it comes to daily functioning in society. They should be, if possible, recycled if only to help a world of landfills and unnecessary expense – not to mention the mass of people who rely upon good deals to make use of what would otherwise be tossed out. No need to be a green freak to see the reasoning behind getting all there is to be had from an article of clothing or anything else.

The 2018 Reuse Report from Savers, the recycle and resell people, indicates: "…46 percent of consumers reported feeling like they had 'way too much stuff,' and 53 percent were driven to give items away because they have accumulated too much clutter."

You don't say. Apparently, the majority of us lack the extra three-bedroom apartment – replete with staff – to store and tend our beloved stockpile. Running out of "closet space" is the key indicator that enough is enough. Kind of hard to argue the point when one is wasting valuable time trudging through mounds to get dressed every day. If you're experiencing a guilty blush, you're not alone.

"In the last year alone, we (Savers) have helped divert more than 700 million pounds of material from landfills. In 2017, our stores repurposed hundreds of millions of items, including 265 million tops, 30 million shoes, 71 million pairs of pants, 18 million coats, 26 million dresses and 32 million accessory items."

But Chua's museum of clothing and accessories will likely never find its way to a landfill, not until such time as each individual item has cost a billion times what's its worth, and someone has the good sense to stop the madness.

And who knows? With over a quarter of a million infused monthly into Chua's coffers, a six-room, ten-room, twelve-room "closet" may be on the horizon. With Bonkers Closets glorifying the absurd, we'll likely see more of the same.

Oh, joy.

Dog tiara – $4.2 million

Fashionable Fido – you bet

Sure, folks have always been into decking themselves out. Vanity is a lifelong bane for some, but the obsession with prettying up pets is still relatively new. So much disposable cash and too many households that have chosen to squeee over animals while pooh-poohing children is bound to have its effects.

Check out this list of the world's most expensive and luxurious doggie and kitty clothes and accessories courtesy of Incredible Things:

• Mink fur coat for dogs – $725
• 22k gold-thread pet mattress – $3,000
• Versace Barocco pet bowl – $754
• Louis XV pet pavilion – $23,990
• Swarovski-studded cat flap – $1,644
• Sexy Beast dog perfume – $6
• Hello Kitty crystal dog house – $31,660
• Super dog house with plasma TV and spa – $410,825
• Roberto Cavalli designer pet clothes – $110 – $1,200
• Swarovski dog throne
• Cat Cabin – $1396
• Emmy Swag for pets – $1,200 (The term "swag," according to Urban Dictionary, "is used to describe anything thought to be cool, initiating the irk of previous generations and members of the new generation that disagree with new words." Translation: unnecessary, and this case, overpriced junk intended to make practical people physically ill.)
• Dog tiara – $4.2 million

It would seem the creative heads behind mink coat for dogs forgot that dogs have fur already, or more likely they don't care. Not even about animals. Minks die to make coats for dogs that already have fur – hmmm. But reasoning, smeasoning. The clamor for dog thrones and sexy canine perfume and a kitty cave that will likely get eschewed for some sunny corner is all the rage.

Fleecing stupid sheep, however, is nothing new.

Detox with Gwyneth and Goop – cha ching!

Amazing and "totally unrealistic," Entertainment Tonight will take you on a full day of detox. That's detoxifying your body of unwanted … boredom, perhaps? Recall, this is being advertised as totally unrealistic by an entertainment show. So, here goes:

Feel sufficiently sidelined yet? Overwhelmed by the stupidity of concocting all manner of nonsense necessary to detoxify your body and live clean? Coriander seeds in the morning? Pass. Chopping endless veggies and non-stop shopping is at the heart of this regimen. (Something has to mask hunger pains.)

But, in truth, "you need a full-time house person to Goop-it-up," comes the reality check at 7.43 mark. And a bank account to match. Being detoxed is expensive business.

Sigh, always so good to detox with Gwyneth, getting a taste of tom-foolery … so actual living seems all the sweeter.