Why the left 'evolved' on gay rights

A leftist Rip Van Winkle, waking after just 30 years, would be flabbergasted to see his comrades slicing and dicing a vice president of the United States for his administration's decision not to fly rainbow flags over U.S. embassies.

Having fallen asleep in his Che Guevara T-shirt, he would groggily ask his commune mates, "What's up with that?"

If Rip remembered right, his hero Che was particularly keen on "reeducating" gay and effeminate men and dispatched thousands, without charge or trial, to concentration camps.

The comrades worldwide applauded. Thousands of his fellow travelers, revolutionary hottie Bernardine Dohrn among them, made the journey to Cuba and back without saying an ill word about Castro's rather Mideastern way of dealing with gays.

In fact, the left never liked gays. They struck Rip and his buddies as frivolous and bourgeois. Rip, in fact, believed the "gay rights" movement to be as much a byproduct of capitalism as homelessness or hedge funds.

Rip remembered laughing at the New York Daily News headline of the watershed 1969 Stonewall rebellion, "Homo Nest Raided, Queen Bees Are Stinging Mad."

Even the usually insurrection-friendly Village Voice dismissed Stonewall as the "Great Faggot Rebellion." These responses represented something of a progressive norm back then.

Confused, Rip sought and found a sage, older, earth mother type who was able to explain what happened while he slept.

She informed Rip that months after he fell asleep in 1989, the Berlin wall fell. Two years after that, the Soviet Union collapsed. Looking for a way to keep the revolution alive, radicals took up the cause of anti-racism to subvert the God-and-country crowd.

"We found that accusing our enemies of 'hate' was a potent weapon," she explained. "So we expanded our pool of hate's victims to include women, Hispanics, Muslims, illegals, Asians and finally gays."

In retrospect, she said, it is hard to remember how we overlooked such a potent wedge issues as gay rights and gay marriage and transgender this and that.

The friendly earth mother explained that over the past two millennia, the stable, male-female, two-parent family helped the Judeo-Christian West create a culture and an economy unparalleled in world history.

She read him a century-old clip from the New York Times. "The great foe of Socialism, of the communistic idea of society, is the family. Marriage is the flower of individualism. As the family grows and its cost increases, its need of an independent income becomes vital. The ideal family man is the capitalist, the 'good provider.'"

She then quoted famed social philosopher William Graham Sumner, who argued in his 1907 book "Folkways," "Every socialist who can think is forced to go on to a war on marriage and the family."

She explained that of all the crimes against humanity, racism included, none provokes an anti-Christian backlash the way "homophobia" does. It turns children against their parents, Christians against their church, men against women.

As soon as society adapts to a new LGBT mandate, she explained, we add a new one. You may not believe this, she continued, but now men claiming to be women are competing against women in women's sports.

Rip looked puzzled.

It is a simple formula, the earth mother elaborated. We condition people to accept the unacceptable. We call them "haters" if they protest. We ban them from communicating their ideas on the many social networks our allies have created. We marginalize them to the point of irrelevance.

"Do our radical Muslim friends go along with this?" asked Rip.

"No, of course not," the earth mother laughed. "They are not about to 'evolve.' Hell, they're still throwing gays off buildings."

"Is that not a problem?" Rip asked.

"It would only be a problem," she said, 'if we actually cared about gays."