(Chicago Tribune) -- Greetings, fellow Americans* (*designation of “Americans” does not apply to critics of President Donald J. Trump) and WELCOME to President Donald J. Trump’s “Salute to America” celebration of the Fourth of July and of President Donald J. Trump.
For the first time in our nation’s history, we have a president (Donald J. Trump) who is recognizing the Fourth of July and the important role it plays in American history, as well as the important role he (President Donald J. Trump) has played in finally getting Americans to celebrate the Fourth of July, a holiday never celebrated under previous presidents.
We’re so glad you decided to join us (and patriotically donate to President Donald J. Trump’s reelection campaign) and we’re VERY EXCITED to share with you all the America-loving fun you’re about to experience thanks to our great and benevolent president. (Shout his name! And buy something with his name on it from one of the President Donald J. Trump merchandise kiosks located throughout the National Mall.)
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