Recently, Dear Leader Joseph R. Biden of the People's Republic of America coined a new epithet, aimed squarely at the slavering, hate-filled, right-wing fanatics who still dare to oppose him (that's you and me, in other words): "ultra MAGA." According to Biden, you can easily tell who's "ultra MAGA", because we're invariably "petty," "mean-spirited," "extreme" and "beyond the pale."
Yup, that's me, all right! You too? You have to hand it to ol' Sleepy Joe: He's got us pegged. His incisive intellect is matched only by his biting wit. They're a perfect match, as a matter of fact, insofar as both are microscopic.
The Washington Post reveals that President Biden's latest rhetorical tack – his broadsides at the "ultra MAGA" crowd – are the result of six months' worth of furious political consulting and poll-testing. Apparently, according to the pollsters, most swing voters don't care for the term "MAGA." They associate it with the worst features and excesses of Trumpism. Granted, Trump isn't on the ballot in 2022, but the Dems are increasingly finding themselves nostalgic for the days when he was. I mean, what's the alternative? Run on their record? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Also, ha.
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To this end, Biden and his cronies have made the decision to go negative, and hard, in the months leading up to the midterm elections. They were relying, heretofore, on the "startling" revelations from the Jan. 6 committee/star chamber to render all Republicans unelectable (and probably incarcerated) long before the midterms took place. Well, that gambit isn't paying off, at least if the polls can be trusted. Ergo, the best minds of the Democratic Party – all 1.6 of them – had to be refocused on the urgent task of "rebranding" the GOP, yet again, in some monumentally menacing way. And – voila! – "ultra MAGA" was born.
Part of the genius of this line of attack is its sheer meaninglessness. What specific views or positions make one "ultra MAGA"? It could be anything: questioning climate change, opposing race preferences, wanting a secure southern border, objecting when someone mugs you, demurring at the possibility of nuclear war with Russia, proposing tax cuts, proposing tax increases, not wearing a mask, wearing a red hat, singing the national anthem (unironically), owning a gun, owning a car that runs on gasoline, or just knowing what a "woman" is, and whether you are one. Yes, the "ultra MAGA" put-down is serviceable against any and all enemies of "democracy," which, as we all know by now, means those who oppose and/or criticize the Democratic Party.
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But that's not all! Oh, not by a long shot. I am in a position to give you a sneak peek into Phase 2 of the Dems' brilliantly conceived rhetorical offensive against the New Fascism, sometimes erroneously referred to as "conservatism." Once the "ultra MAGA" label becomes tiresome – so, right about … now – the Dems plan to roll out their really big guns.
Has anyone ever called you an "ultra Nazi" for proposing that all races should be treated the same? Have you ever participated in an "ultra insurrection"? (That's an insurrection in which more than zero people remember to bring guns.) Have any of your posts on social media ever been flagged or removed because you committed "ultra hate"? Well, get ready, because all the things that you so regularly do, say and think, which used to be just "bad," are about to become … ULTRA bad!! Take that!
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What's even more worrying, though, is that these propaganda geniuses are rumored to be toying with the ultimate weapon of electioneering: the word "very." Don't be shocked, therefore, if, by early November, someone accosts you on the street and accuses you, due to your American flag lapel pin, of being a "very ultra MAGA hyper terrorist"!
No doubt your feelings will be hurt, but when the election returns come in, I confidently predict that you'll be feeling much better.
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