Unforgiveness is choosing to love hate

A prominent man once remarked to the great preacher, John Wesley, "I never forgive."

"Then I hope, sir," Wesley replied, "that you never sin."

In what we often call The Lord's Prayer, Jesus taught the disciples to pray, "Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us" (Matthew 6:12 NLT).

We must recognize that we will sin, and people will sin against us. We can accept the fact that we're flawed, but we must also recognize that others are flawed as well. All too often we're on a quest to find someone or something that's perfect. We want the perfect spouse, the perfect children, the perfect friends and the perfect church.

But we don't find them, because the people we expect to be perfect are like us – flawed. That simply means that people will wrong you, and you will wrong them. Whether unintentional or intentional, we are going to hurt each other. We will offend one another.

That is why we must learn how to forgive, because where there is no forgiveness, there will be a root of bitterness that grows in its place. And when a root of bitterness grows, that is the end of the relationship.

The author of Hebrews wrote, "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many" (12:15 NLT).

I've seen this happen so many times. Someone wrongs someone, they get angry, and then they go beyond being angry and become bitter. But they aren't happy to be bitter by themselves. Instead, they have to spread their bitterness around and talk to other people about the wrong the other person inflicted on them.

Many times it was nothing more than a misunderstanding. And when the other person wants to apologize, they refuse to listen to what they have to say. So instead of letting it go, they harbor bitterness, which is ruining their lives.

We don't live in a society today that exalts forgiveness. In fact, we live in a society that exalts vengeance. When is the last time you saw a movie that dealt with the subject of forgiveness? Probably not recently, if ever. On the other hand, when is the last time you saw a movie that dealt with the subject of revenge? We see those all the time.

I think a lot of society today runs on the adage, "Don't get mad, get even." Everyone wants their pound of flesh. There is no forgiveness.

One author has asserted that instead of forgiving people, we can blame everything on our "toxic" parents. But what is toxic is our unwillingness to accept responsibility for our own actions. What is toxic is our unwillingness to forgive. In fact, it's worse than toxic; it's sinful. It will eat you up spiritually and, in many ways, bring your spiritual life to a standstill.

Unforgiveness is choosing to love hate. It produces bitterness, anger, rage, anxiety and depression. Simply put, it is sin.

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That's why we must forgive. Forgiveness is like taking a piece of pottery that resembles something someone has done to us and smashing it into a thousand pieces. There's no way it can ever be put together again, because we don't want it to be. It's over. We let it go.

Pastor and author John MacArthur has pointed out that we are never more like God than when we forgive. And it's true.

We serve a forgiving God. It's one of the attributes of his character that stands out so clearly.

In Exodus 34 God described himself this way: "I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin" (verses 6–7 NLT). That is our God. He forgives.

The psalmist wrote of God, "You forgave the guilt of your people – yes, you covered all their sins" (Psalm 85:2 NLT).

Maybe you're thinking, "That's God. God forgives, but I'm human. I can't forgive like that."

Yes, we are human, but followers of Christ should reflect his character. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you" (NLT).

God has said that "if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness" (1 John 1:9 NLT). Let's say that someone is sinning against you, so you go to them and confront their sin. If they repent and you forgive them, then you are lining up with Heaven. You are bringing Heaven down to Earth when you forgive others.

Unforgiveness may be the cause of many problems in your life, because you are carrying around a root of bitterness in your heart in direct disobedience to God. We must forgive, because we are never more like God than when we do.

Of course, there are some people you never will be able to make peace with. If you have gone to them and tried to clear the air, if you have apologized for any wrong that you have done or explained any wrong they think you have done (because often it is misunderstanding), then you've done your part. If the other person still wants to hold a grudge, that is beyond your control. But you have done what you're supposed to do.

On the other hand, if you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged or offended you, that is a sin against God. You have been forgiven, and therefore you should forgive.

In fact, if you refuse to forgive, then you will be tortured by your own bitterness, resentment, and personal separation from fellowship with God because of your unconfessed sin – the sin of unforgiveness.

To refuse to forgive is to usurp the authority of God. In effect, we're taking God's place when we say, "Vengeance is mine. I will repay." The Bible clearly forbids this. Romans 12:19 tells us, "Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, 'I will take revenge; I will pay them back,' says the Lord" (NLT).

Leave vengeance up to God. As Christians we should never take revenge. Let it not be said of God's people that we refuse to forgive.

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