99 more things you never knew were ‘racist’

By Patrice Lewis

For your edification, I would like to present you with another partial list of things that have been deemed racist and/or white supremacist (the two terms are often interchangeable) in the last few years. The list is growing daily, so this column can only be incomplete.

This list is presented only as a public service, so it’s up to you – as a proper woke American – to avoid all the things, terms, people, subjects, foods, books, pets, diseases, locations, beverages, fashions and activities that might offend someone because of your white supremacy and privilege (even if you’re not white). So without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. Compliments are racist

2. Tap dancing is racist

3. Libraries are racist

4. The terms “man” and “woman” are racist

5. Music education is racist

6. Sleep is racist

7. Bird names are racist

9. Birds (the animals) are racist

10. All white people’s households are racist by default

11. Pumpkin spice is racist

12. School choice is racist

13. Keeping gay porn books away from kids is “white supremacy”

14. Small stock traders (i.e. GameStop) are racist

15. Owning animals is racist

15. The use of fossil fuels is racist

16. Camping is racist

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17. Wearing frilly dresses is racist

18. Eating three meals a day is racist

19. Owning a home security camera is racist

20. English (the language) is racist

21. Toilets are racist

22. Disliking body odor is racist

23. Tradwives are racist

24. Police dogs are racist

25. Drinking coffee is racist

26. Organized pantries are racist

27. Robots are racist (and misogynist and colonialist)

28. Trees in national parks are racist

29. Driving is racist

30. Childbirth (specifically, not dying during it) is racist

31. Cheese and other dairy products are racist

32. The symbol “100%” is a symbol of white supremacy

33. Flying the American flag is racist

34. Climate change is homophobic (it’s not racism; but the headline was too good to resist)

35. Milk is racist

36. Saying “good morning” is racist

37. Romance is white supremacist

38. Jaywalking tickets are racist

39. Porcelain is racist

40. Roads are racist

41. Punishing criminals is racist

42. Criticizing a fried chicken chain is racist

43. Low underpasses are racist

44. Heart problems in black women are due to racism

45. Difficult questions on the Bar Exam are racist

46. Christianity is racist

47. Spray tans are racist

48. Pain is racist

49. Disney’s financial woes are due to racism (and sexism)

50. Being a Taylor Swift fan is racist

51. Marriage promotes white supremacy

52. Loving reading and writing is racist

53. Wanting female-only spaces is racist

54. Being pro-life is racist

55. Being pro-life is also white supremacist

56. Climate change is racist

57. Stopping violent crime is racist

58. It’s racist for a country radio station not to play Beyoncé

59. The British countryside is racist

60. Email is racist

61. Pilates (the fitness program) is racist

62. Board games are racist

63. Crime alerts that mention race are racist

63. Energy development is racist

64. Mispronouncing unfamiliar ethnic names is racist

65. The “Chop Suey” font is racist

66. Using animal names as insults is racist

67. Grammar is racist

68. Growing strawberries is racist

69. Trees are racist

70. Self-defense is racist

71. Building up America’s infrastructure is racist

72. Not being racist is actually racist

73. Christmas is racist

74. Science is racist

75. The Three Wise Monkeys (see/hear/speak no evil) is racist

76. Sheet music is racist

77. Classical music and opera are racist

78. Requiring voter ID is racist

79. Band-aids are racist

80. NOT scapegoating white people during diversity training is racist

81. The Declaration of Independence is racist

82. Businesses that use uniformed cops as security guards are racist

83. Opposing the cancel culture is racist

84. A black or Latino Trump supporter is actually white, and therefore racist

85. Arguing that racism isn’t the sole cause of poverty is racist

86. Mugshots are racist

87. Physics is racist

88. Recalling Gavin Newsom is racist

89. “Normal” is racist

90. Monopoly (the board game) is racist

91. Asians “who use white supremacist thinking to get ahead” are racist

92. The concept of time is racist

93. Filibusters are racist

94. Interracial marriages are racist

95. Oprah memes are racist

96. The gig economy is racist

97. The National Guard is racist

98. The GOP caucus is racist

99. Babies are racist

I know this is a weary cliché, but it can hardly be improved: If everything is racist, nothing is racist. That should be abundantly clear by now. If you think punctuation or solar eclipses or the Appalachian Trail are racist, then you’re just being stupid.

But hey, we knew that anyway, didn’t we?

Editor’s note: Read Patrice Lewis’ previous lists of “racist” things, Yet MORE things you never knew were ‘racist,'” “The list grows: 99 more things you never knew were racist” and “98 things you never knew were racist.”

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