Revealed: Wokesters’ plan for an Orange Man-free America

By Nin Privitera

A frightening event occurred at the White House just one day before our Independence Day celebration. This was uncovered by my vast research team, so you know what that means; consider it’s validity as a bit shaky.

The event that occurred was one I thought was nearly impossible. The Joe/Kamala IQ Sensor was set off as it detected a dangerous descent into the Defcon 12 level – and then the Apocalypse level was reached.

This occurred during the Democratic governors meeting with President Biden. They came to assess his devotion to running for reelection, and I imagine they wanted to check out his noggin capabilities. The astounding result of their presence was that the average IQ of the White House dropped significantly, down to 84.5 during their visit. That set off an automatic locking of the nuclear football.

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After several searches for the source that set off the sensor, it was determined to be New York Gov. Kathy Hochul, when she shook hands with Biden. The meeting of those two is when critical mass was achieved. You know Kathy, the mini-messiah governor who called upon New Yorkers “to listen to God,” get the COVID jab and “to be her apostles.”

While the rest of the USA was celebrating “independence,” my team discovered that the woke folk of America were working on a woke edition of the Declaration of Independence, leaning toward a Declaration of Dependence. Here are some details of that document.

“In the course of human events, as well as animal, environmental and plant kingdom events, we have reached a position of abolition and therefore declare this political state an intolerable pain in the neck.

“We declare that all men are equal and dependent on the government because their is no creator and the average person is not capable of governing. We declare that the elite progressive rulers from the correct colleges and correct virtuous institutions have the right to govern because they are smarter than the rabble.

“We declare our independence from the Evil Orange Man and his deplorable followers. They will destroy everything we hold near and dear to us – and we abhor his morals, which are those of an alley cat. We declare our independence from racism, which the Orange Man will make law. We declare that we are free from gender roles that have nothing to do with our bikini parts. We declare that we must be free and fluid to identify as a man, woman, in-between, out between, or a nonbinary species, whatever that may be.

“We, who are the oppressed victims of the United States, declare that the two and a half century-old constitutionias antiquated and deserves to be tossed into the rubbish heap of history. The freedom of speech is not a right for everyone. If it does not meet the approval from the cast of ‘The View,’ it is now deemed impermissible speech and thought. It should be extinguished. We declare that this is the end of the constitutional republic that has led this nation to destructive MAGAnism and the rise of Orange Man.

“We propose a government of Wizardry. The first Council of Wizardry to guide America will be the combined wisdom of Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Mika Brezinski, Joe Scarborough, Stephen Colbert and Joy Reid. Down the road we have all of the notorieties of Hollywood, appointed by Julia Roberts and George Clooney. Eventually, the personalities from CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and MSNBC are waiting in the wings, with he ever expectant Hillary to rule over the deplorable masses.

“As for all the other pedestrian details of a typical government, there will be no need for concern. For example, ‘defund the Army’ will prevail. Defense forces will be zero because the America of the Wizards will no longer be an oppressive entity in the world. We will have no enemies, peace will prevail, and the Council of Wizardry will figure it all out in due time to save a true democracy.

“May Barbra Streisand and Rob Reiner Bless America.”

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